–Awake barely and I think

ready to lecture.  Have to keep with this coffee.  Not sure why I’m so tired this evening.  And I have to run today.  No more excuses.  NONE.  I’ll shoot for 5 miles and that’s it, make sure the knee doesn’t bother me.  Almost completely caught-up with grading, so I have a chance to write these lectures and short fiction pieces..

Made a list of what I truly want from life, and being harshly specific.  Wrote so outside this blog and in the Comp Book..  I have to keep with these lectures, and one idea that jumped into my head yesterday was the concept of finding ‘hurried troubles amusing’, an idea taken from ‘Road’, no surprise.  To be amused in your own rush to get ‘there’, wherever THERE may be.  And how it troubles you, maybe even pains you.  This excerpt addressed how Major found Sal and the gang’s troubles “amusing”, but I feel there’s a bigger statement paginated here, something grand and universal, and something to the tune of being troubled adding to Health– contributing to purpose, whatever vision someone may have for their life.. hence, my LIST.  We should all have a list and be troubled by it.. be burdened, even pained.. and also amused, why not amuse ourselves, and have the people around us be “amused” (which I translate as ‘impressed by’, or even ‘inspired by’)…..

6:43, now I’m alive, now the coffee’s wonderfully contributed to the Mike Madigan here, in front of the screen, and I’m alive, thinking and for the students what ideas ferment what be, what be, what seems.. dream in a dream, of course…..  Now I’m just rambling maybe even ranting but it feels divine.. adjunct taking over his role and position, what can they do to this, to me, to my Now and my NEWNESS.

Home, between classes and I’m more or less prepared for 1B.. then, after class, a run.  Again, only 5 miles.  And yes running is on this new list of mine, more than a couple times.  Sipping my threes hot mocha and just now remembering that just a bit over an hour ago I wrote a standalone piece in 1A, at the end of the session, and the prompt for such a creative speeding was “Madness”.  That’s it.  One word.  And they exploded.  I volcano’d into my written voice.  Hate feeling tired or slow so I have to keep writing, typing.. just keep moving, and this always happens before 1B, then when class is done I’m alive and creatively aloft.  But I’m in adjunct mode now, and being an adjunct or at least a dependent, begging adjunct, for assignments and what trolleth, lies nowhere on this new list.  NOWHERE!  The list is the ME I will be, that I’ve always wanted to gallop as.. nothing hidden, nothing shoved into a drawer.  Publishing and “posting” (ugh, that word..) everything.  Now I wake, like the last words, or word, of the morning freewrite, “Awake.” And that’s it, letting the reader know that I’m moving, that I’m forever in manuscript trance and transit, never settling and never letting some devil order me anywhere nor into anything.

How I would love a nap right now, just thought I’d let you know.  Off to finish prepping for 1B.  And I must run!  I must…  OR, I could go when Alice comes back from spin.. yet another decision for the writer to quench…