Better running in morning I now more so and decidedly realize.  Have to make that a pillar in the running declaration.  No caffeine yet.  No coffee, no latter.  Sipping that sparkling black cherry water now.  Not ready for coffee yet, surprised to hear myself say.  Wanted more miles but I thought since this is run 1 of this week start with a shorter mission.  Wanted 5 or six, and probably could’ve pushed to either number but wanted to be safe. Still feel the injury a bit in right leg, so…..

Logged run in Running Declaration doc.  Need to call a prospect and communicate some pricing.  One of those small, bullshit contracts.  Part of me says, “I’m over quota, like way over… why even bother…”

Just sent off the small bullshit contract.  Now for enjoying coffee, words.  Reading Ms. Lawson’s work… self-talk with self as I did on run, realizing more expanse and reach in the About EVERYTHING attitude and statement.  With this small, frustrating contract I see I need more… not excited about this guy’s business or the contract, the MRC (Monthly Recurring Charge), the location, nothing.  My doing… go after businesses you’re interested in.  Found one.  I’ve emailed her before but no response.  Try a different approach this time?  I don’t know.  Something.  She’s getting one last email from me one way or another.

I can do this, THIS.. the writing.  The day.  The running.  The running declaration.  No fear, no angst or anxiety.  Keeping self uneasy, and slightly afraid of result.  Getting out there and doing whatever anyway, a riles shape and sense of liberating whim.  Keeping going.   Prospect views contract I sent.  Yes, another one of those bullshit small wastes of time.  It’s like a real estate agent continuously going after tiny listings when he needs other structures to get to the place he wants to be.  I WILL do this.  I AM doing it, I am.  That’s the language to speak.  More than empathy, more than elevating my own energy and strength.  More than any cluster of words or definitions gathered together.

After the run I think of a new ideological and applicable bumbershoot.  Happiness.  Being happy.  Finding happiness in literately everything.  My phone, the screen, being an AE, even when in arguments with certain people that only want to see the dark and lowering dimension to everything…. Happiness is in not being like them, or being them.  What a prison of a mind and life to be trapped in.  The happy cover above and around me shields all nay, and there’s no way it or those subscribing to it can chouse this writer.  Impossible.

Happiness in these small contracts.  Maybe I’ve found something.  Maybe I’m more an SMB guy than an Enterprise chap.  Huh…..  The 4.34 miles declaring themselves and their instruction.  Time for a shower, shave, ready for lunch meeting at noon.  

I AM doing this.  Precisely what I want to.  A new paean from my Personhood – Needed, welcomed, learned, applied.