What I’m thinking about now, finishing my last little snack. Need something salty, or something. Not sure. Shit, I’m getting indecisive again. Not falling into anymore indecision. Can’t with business, writing about building one, seeing self as one. The forward motion has to be the principle motion. Okay… caved and bought some cheese and crackers from shop here in this multi-purpose/lunch/presentation/meeting room/arcade. Honestly, this room is unusually impressive to me, and what it contributes to the business and those support it, making everything happen. I look around and see no one unhappy, no one scowling. Two guys behind and to the right of me play a game of pingpong, not one of them speaking to the other completely trapped and rapt in their furious and precise back and forth. Me, my thinking this morning, now, on my lunch where I choose to write about this new job and wha tI see it doing for me. What I learned before coming in here, about overthought and what it did to me, my writing, yesterday. How I declared no such occurrence would speak today. Not even slightly.
26 minutes left in my literary lunch or sorts. A literary character, with a profuse vino penchant, in a tech company. An ISP. There’s something there, and more promising and utterly unlike my blend of vino and lit in wine’s place. But what. WHAT. It’s on the tip of my tongue. Let it land, I tell myself. Don’t rush it. Presenting these ideas after lunch to another manager, of marketing and sales, has me wanting to know what it is. This, ideas, MY business. Educating people and showing people, the showing itself, the act, persisting as the educating vehicle.
I’ll walk back into the office as a new character in business, how to grow one. The idea… right there.. goddamnit, I say to myself, SAY IT! I’m traveling now between business ideas, potentials and capacities, little poems and blurbs, all short, in my head and I agree with self that if they stay then they see a page. This office motivates me, continuously, and I find new forms and areas in my creative soul. Not sure how else to describe it, describe this wine writing identity in the tech world. In an office and no longer at a vineyard. Strangely, I’m relieved to not walk the vineyard everyday. That I didn’t expect. That, this office taught me.
More notes, the writer takes more notes. On the guitar character, on the wine he opened two nights ago and finished last night, and class tonight. Likely I’ll let them go early as I did the ‘100’ section last night, share some ideas, and then go. Needing a night off, and want to see the babies. More important than any business venture or effort, attempt. They grow quicker than I want them to. Time continues to demonstrate indifference with how I see my children grow, age, mature, get more mouthy with me and engage me in debate. I’m encouraged, discouraged, more in love, then sad. See Jack and in business at some point, together, Emma too I just think of Jack first as I’ve always seen him as my little buddy, partner in crime, that kind of thing.