Another meeting in 9 minutes. Agenda is short so it shouldn’t last too long.

Have two calls to make and a credit request to submit.  Exciting, right?  Bored even writing that.  I’m just bored today, that’s it.  Yes I woke early and worked out, but then what.  This.  Work.  My attitude is all kinds of wrong, I know.

Coffee sip.  Look right and the trees move from wind.  NOW WHAT.  Nothing happening, but I can pretend like something is, or did.  Okay… I had the best idea, EVER.  Not saying what it is.  I can’t.  That would ruin it, jinx it, but a hellish hex on everything I do or want to do.

Okay, logging into meeting.  1:55.

Idiot, it’s at 3pm.  This goddamn Monday fog.  Snapping out of it a little, leaving a voicemail and sending an email and taking care of something else.  Just a countdown to the meeting.  After that I’m thinking head back to Skyhawk, yet again, and live out the day there.

The overthought is obvious, my brain is lying to me.  Completely.  What a fucker.  Enjoying my coffee, the quiet room.  Embracing and embodying the fuck it philosophy.  No more caring, it makes me sick.  Don’t give so many fucks like that one senior AE said when I first started.  There… I’m doing it.  What’s that one say, “… live, and laugh at it all….” The bowl of cherries song.  Who sings that?  Who cares.  Just move on, keep moving.  Not that I’m “moving on” like some people accuse.  I’m MOVING.  Alive, fervent, determined, present, varied in air.

2:34… call with a prospect trying to nickel and dime me.  So aggravating but comical.  Just hilarious. And the fact that he’s lawyer I find even more hilarious.

Meeting over.  3:21.  Wondering if I should leave now, or……  My problem today has been attitude.  100%  No question.  Have plan written for tomorrow.  Couple calls to make now…


Now, attitude.  Work on that.  Remember when that guy told me years ago that my biggest problem was my attitude.  Sometimes I see it as my most sewn strength, and others I agree with him, wholly.

Leaving soon, just scheduled appointment tomorrow, or rescheduled rather the one I already had calendared.  That nap fixed everything.  What for tonight, then…?  NOTJHING.  And I can’t wait.  No humans other than me.  The Giant’s game. That leftover margherita pizza from Saturday, chicken Caesar salad, wine of course…. ZEN.  Glad Freedom, all hours.

In this office I again feel strange but not like this morning.  Something with more color, texture, contour and composition.  I realize the necessary changes for this story are out there, not in here.  I should not be in front of a screen till day’s end, if even that.  The music is out there, in “territory”.  I swear to myself that I’ll drive somewhere tomorrow, downtown Novato or something and walk around.  Take as many cars as I can, or not.  But be in the street.  Say hi like my friend with their business in Lake County.

House for sale in Skyhawk, but already in sales process.  SHIT.