6/25/21

6:46, already thinking about Sunday in the Caddis tasting room.  And what new direction my story could be adopting.  No specifics needed, and no cloaking, just waiting for more truthful and transparent narration.

Yesterday listening to Pink Floyd for the first time in years.  Reminds me of when Dad and I would go places, either on errands or somewhere specific, in his red truck.  San Carlos, so long ago.. and here I am.  My own client with these pages.  Shine on…..  Dad calling me a “crazy diamond” yesterday in a text I sent him of one of the songs on Pandora.

First double-shot of espresso…. What do I want from the day.  What can I do.  What can I do to ….  No idea.  Quiet downstairs, just me and the espresso, then the goddamn refrigerator starts humming, and loud.  I ignore it till I get a random text from an old industry I guess you could say friend.  I look, laugh a little then put phone back down.  Don’t want to be distracted today.  By anything.  One contract in for the week, could have another land today, or early next week.  But I want more than these silly contracts I talk about.

My own office.  The beach house.  Travel.  Books done… understanding of my thoughts and their collective and individual composition.  New day, and yes I always say that.  Different this morning, this early hour with me already up, before anyone else, even my son Jack who’s the most ardent and admirable of early risers.

6:56….  Going back to desk, set up call plan for day.  Already have three on ‘docket’.  Not fond of that word….  PAGE, on page.  One a machine shop, or construction business rather.  Next a law office, which I’m not excited about.  Then, two more, both recent inbound leads.  Oh.. then another inbound lead from yesterday.

Getting a bit winded from the AE story, to be honest… but not surrendering and certainly not thinking of leaving.  Rather, make it more my own, completely MINE.  Make it a book…. A small colony of books.  Saw a new hire yesterday in the office going through some training in one of the small meeting rooms on the walkway along the buildings side.  Thought to self, “That’s never going to be me again.” Meaning, no more new jobs, no more new hiring, no more applying… what I have at Sonic is MORE than enough for what I want with the office and the beach house, the writing and travel and book, anything.  EVERYTHING.

More notes, I remind myself.  Less paragraphs.  More than seeking control of anything I search for understanding, and story, stories.  More of ME… Again no run yesterday, why.  Not in the mood, and didn’t sleep too well.  Still should have done like three miles around office, but I didn’t.  Fine, I say down here in the quiet living room, I have today.  Today is already a beacon, for everything I want.  Calm, breathe, be a student….  Composition, character, calm and crazy diamond.