Budgeting done, paying that FasTrak bill.

Or as I call it, FastRacket.  Sipping espresso slow, smooth jazz as background.  Couple more receipts to enter.  More than ever set on getting a car.  Isolated more money for it.  Know pretty much exactly what I’m after.  Finally, the Prius and its last days are close.

Unsure of writing direction now, here in chair.  Had wine with neighbors last night and moving a bit slow.  Not hungover by any standards, but not spritely or spry as I need be in this AE story.  61 degrees outside… 70-something by 11, when I hope to be out on pavement for 6+.

Getting up from desk, stretch.  May make some coffee to slowly tip into the morning and stopping of course right before 10 so I have at least an hour of no caffeine before run.  9:17 now, wanting different music – poetry, playing with words.  Hopping over to other doc…. Notes in phone, need to transfer, the ones I wrote yesterday while at S&H having a glass of SB, needing time for me and away from this goddamn screen.  Here I am still, though…. The smooth jazz starts to poke at nerves and annoy me – switch to LoFi, new station since the other started with a song I’ve heard WAY too many times.

Aims:  Run, Poetry, Music…. Find present for self.  But then I come back to, “WHAT?” The only thing I really want right now is a car, to be free from that garbage rig.  Thinking… typing slower.  SMART Train zooming by.  Want to leave house suddenly, work somewhere offsite.  Would have to use other computer.  Slow down, take a minute away from keys I say to myself.  Feeling the imposter syndrome shocks again.  Goddamnit, WHY?  I’m at 200-something percent of monthly.  Of course I worry about next month, what if it’s a repeat of last June where I goosed?  NO, won’t let that happen.

Now budgeting time.  Ten is when I’ll dive into AE sea.  Some emails landing, but not many.  One from a recent client that wants an update so I contact my SC (Sales Coordinator) and she returns almost immediately with update.  I send that to him and I’m back thinking of what to do with the day… next 8 or so hours.

Treating myself as my own client.  What would I advise, that’s how I’m looking at all this.  One, don’t start new blog for #prospectesk project.  In fact, hold on that indefinitely.  Buying another url and having another blog is NOT the answer.  Use what’s in the warehouse, like Mark said.  Tightening budget again and again.  Not allowing self to think, just move.  More art in everything done, put to page.  Slowing down my AE steps for a second… collect.  Bottledaux is AE.  Repeating to self over and over – new character and narrative.  More coffee please….  Birds outside, calling to each other.  Not thinking, just singing.  “Run, Poetry, Music” I say to myself again but with a beat to the annunciation.