11:54, and will soon be heading to Sonic office. Wind still, and rather strong. Impossible to work earlier with Henry on lap. So now I feel like something’s missing, that I can actually write and collect myself, WORK. Taking a break, thinking of getting more coffee. Still want to run later but right legs pains as does right ankle and lower back. So may have no choice but to do a spin class. Have to do something. Just waiting to get better or for the right leg to work in some special or normal way won’t suffice.
Nothing happening in AE story right now. Waiting to hear from one prospect, then someone in upper-management, then my Sales Engineer. Need to walk away, just for a little bit, at the least of least. Keep writing I tell myself. Hoping the English 5 students are doing the same. Only one of them showed last night for office hours. Pretty convinced this is the last semester. How couldn’t it be? Every day that’s a teaching I roll eyes, sigh, say something like “Fuck, again?”
Oh well. New stories….
So tied. Lazy. Just want to take a goddamn nap. See? I hate this, getting old and acting like a fucking aging shape. No inner shove or nudge to help me start writing. I actually just Googled “quotes to help you start writing”. Me. Seriously. What the fuck, this is a new low. Windy still but not as much as earlier. Made second cup. Feeling that “imposter syndrome” thing again. Like I don’t know what I’m doing as an AE but of course I very much do. Need to prospect more.. take more risks, go after crazy businesses like Animation or Entertainment or– Just remembered there’s a lead I need to touch, give some pricing to. See? Do I even know what the fuck I’m doing?
Sent email, now I feel better. Not sure what’s with me today but I keep moving. Even if I have nothing to write or do in the AE or Running stories. Henry and his sleep disruptions are indeed disrupting the story. If I see it that way… make it aid and abet new attitude, I make a note to myself in journal.
Writing everything down.. everything. Wow, actually enacting what I stress to students, the whole “Write as much as you can as quick as you can and fuck if it makes sense” principle. I’m doing it. Huh…. Garmin on desk, plugged in and all charged but not being used. Cleaning ladies here soon I think which is all the reason I need to leave, go for a drive, go to office, be in AE character or encouraged to accelerate wildly in what I’m trying to build with this blog About EVERYTHING.
The quiet bothers me all of sudden. Should just leave now. Texted Ricardo to see what they’ll be by. He’s literally never here when he says he’ll be, which sometimes is inconsequential and other just a infuriating pain. Not sure where I am right now with it. I guess indifferent. The day – mayhem to dismissal. New flavor.