Up. They’re out of house already. Take nap now. Weird dreams last night. Hope they don’t come back.
Last night while in class deciding that yes this is my last. For certain. No back and forth this time, and that’s much of the problem with me, the ping-pong of thought.
Call at 10:30 with Sales Engineer and returning prospect. So tired, Henry waking at 2-something and me staying up with him for 2+ hours. Well, that’s not entirely true, he fell asleep on couch and me next to him sitting up straight. Didn’t sleep well, or enough in any perspective.
Running today. My one gift to myself. Down to Fulton and back and see how I feel, then modify from there. Huh, starting to wake, just typing. Not instinctively going to the news and watch what seems like the same report on covid, the weather, the police, the goddamn traffic.
Take the nap now, treat self. When up, into AE story. Write about everything… the notebook, the hunt for Architects, our Comp Plan (not that I know precisely what it is in all its specific bones and veins), the company itself, my attitude….
Cold outside. Traffic in distance even sounds cold, like I can see those motorcycle racing up and down Hopper with the big cloud of smoke or mist, vapor behind them.
Woke at 9, when alarm was set. Thought I could take more rest but wouldn’t let self. When awake I had two messages and three emails. All now answered. One cup of Medium roast down.
Hope I’m not going to get whacked too hard with allergies.
Had a major jolt of imposter syndrome when I woke but then remembered that the AE story is mine, and I’m approaching being an AE as a writer. I’m writing it and what I want to happen. Will go for run right before noon. Stay in chair and in AE character till then. No distractions or obstructions permitted.
Going in a million different directions this morning and I’m not thinking about it, not over-analyzing. Going to email prospect in a bit. Not allowing anything on the desktop that isn’t informing sales or sales efforts. Really awake now, must have needed that early nap. Henry waking last night and so seemingly happy to be held by me. Must be teeth, I think again.
About EVERYTHING…. Even little Henry being up when he was, the early nap, class last night, me here now still in pajama bottoms and Sonic hoodie, the CEO answering a request from me in an email with “Bob’s your uncle!” Had no idea what that meant then my Engineer Ditter telling me it’s an Irish expression which essential connoted agreement, or affirmative, approval. Felt a little silly, given my heritage, but I laugh at it now, replying to CEO “I’m the worst Irishman ever…”
Couple notes, then back to keys. Kindly reminded self that today is a set run distance. 3.11, or 5K. Shouldn’t take that long and should keep me close to house. Wines last night not saying much to me, and I’m in no mood to write them, or about them. Wife finally reads my text, everything in day assembling and reassembling to my decision and dimension.
68 degrees at noon, my phone says. YES, I think. Going to train myself to run in heat, warmer temps. I have to laugh when I bitch about the cold, then then heat, then when it’s cold again. NO… all terrain, all weather runner. ME.
May force self to do five…. Up Coffey, into vineyard, down Hopper, then the small streets around the house. Thinking about it too much, I know. Just get out there. Forcing self to stay in this chair, be an AE… find new leads as I did yesterday in the field, and follow-up. That’s a portion of this About EVERYTHING story where I at times struggle. The follow-up… just do it in the next couple days, I write. Going out again tomorrow, San Rafael…. Downtown then that one area we built out. Just walk around, no objective. Just be seen.
Couple expenses to log, then to other laptop, and AE notebook. What do I want today, besides the run… an Agreement. Would love ink, but just hoping for someone to say “That sounds great” or something and send them a contract tomorrow, so I can get on April’s board early. The center of my plan is SALES and COMMUNITY this year, and going forward. And not just being an AE.. but a writer, marketing myself and the blog.
Taunting wife over text again, telling her I promised Jack I’d be at his first baseball game. She said, “Works for me as emma has practice at the same time and I can’t be at both”. Then I said, so eager to get it out and smiling with each type, “You don’t have magic powered?”…”Powers?” “They are powered??”
Nothing. But I’m laughing, and happy with my take on the day and conversations. The comedic consideration of everything around me. It’s all funny. Even how covid and quarantining has knocked me out of that 8-mile lunch run shape. I have to laugh, why not.
Wow this coffee is really fucking working. What if I did go back to sleep, for another 30 minutes as I thought of doing.
Sure I’d hate myself. Glad I didn’t. Right now I’m quite enjoying self, what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. Should stretch before run. Just did a little. I swear, the lower-back thing is enough to have me fucking quit running. But I won’t. I won’t let my body tell my what to do. Nor my brain. Fuck them both. I, decide what’s happening today.
Switching laptops. To keep self more in AE character, going to not use this one during day, 8-5. Checking notes before clocking back in, figuratively. First thing I can do… post something in AE chat, be seen, be participatory.