morning thousand

First day of a new month always does something to me. 

This on is different.  Not sure if it’s the pandemic or what but it’s different.  Finally showered, first thing.  Haven’t taken a shower in…..  would guess but I don’t even know where to start, so I won’t.  Covid quarantine/lockdown symptom, effect, what have.  Feel  like a slowly moving cloud, higher than high with a unique and never doubled view off several terrains.

Made coffee.  No Starbucks this morning, for me or anyone.  Well, is Melissa offered I’d probably accept but I don’t anticipate that happening.

Made entries in the Dad journal, the one with 1848 and a question mark on the inner cover.

Jack awake, Emma walking down the stairs as I type this.  I say his she says hi back I ask her if she wants to see her brother she responds with slow and groggy enthusiasm.  I tell her I love her she says she loves me to with the same slow foggy speech.

No winery today.  Home all day with family.  Yikes, my first thought.  The other however is seeing opportunity in this new month, be more a guerrilla writer.  Write a sentence here, there, till I have 3000 words on the day.  Also hoping to get a run in, write later tonight meaning no wine and now Netflix.  Goddamn that thing, Netflix, profiting off all this covid cloud dimensions and conditions.  I should stop, not let it take me there, to certain language where I then have to bowdlerize.   So, re-assembly, forward in more atmospheric and agreeable steps.

This month with sales, me and my AE story… have to think about my approach.  One, learn from the seasoned and senior AE’s more.  Ask them questions on prospecting, touching existing business, calling versus emailing, ask that one AE Gabe about mentality as he brought it up in a weekly sales meeting and I never followed up.  Shoot more videos.. incorporate more my professor self.  Speaking of, should probably see when the semester starts… select my books.  Sedaris for sure, but not sure about Lawson or Irby…. Will have to think.  Do want the students to use their own writing and journal(s) as text.  I’ll note on that later.

Kids relaxing on couch, Saturday morning cartoons or cartoon movie.  I don’t see it as a problem in fact I see it as something lovely since it gives me this time with the key, no blustering skirmishes I have to try to break up or mediate, no asking for anything.  They’re there, and not saying much.  I have this corner the way I want it.  The morning the way I need it.  Put on music, low so no one hears, only me.  Tycho, or a radio station on Spotify in his likeness.  Find more in music, as I’ve been writing lately.  In this kind of track-set and other forms.  Jazz, hip-hop of course, classic rock, classical, other instrumentals….  I need music in everything.  Find it in everything fro my running, to wine, to being a dad…. All corners and forms, turns in and of life.

Sip, the cartoons getting a little loud.  Did they turn it up?  Not sure if I want to say anything.  Could damage this sitting, introduce some interaction that could fracture it.  A bit addled, not sure what to write next.  This is something I want to address with student s this semester.  Not lecture them or even teach them anything…. Offer that there is promise when you can’t write.  When you think you’re blocked. Let’s say you are.. write about it.  Take notes.  Don’t shoot for full, formal sentences and surely not paragraphs.  Formality is overvalued and freedom while writing, when first touching a page is nearly never stressed in institutional instruction.  In the infallible classroom, its deific campus.

I check the semester’s start date, and find a new memoir to read.  This month, the month everything is accelerated.  Teaching, running, even business efforts with wine…. Note all actions, all productions.  This morning started with brushing teeth and immediately to shower, then downstairs to check on Jackie, do a little cleaning in kitchen, then to the keys.

Emma tells me they’re watching Harry Potter.  Then tells me she’s hungry, and thirsty.  Have a word count in head that I have to graze before taking any new turn in the day.  Coffee already getting low.  Should I make more?  Not yet.  Do want to cut back a bit on caffeine.  Same with wine, meat, anything sweet which I don’t eat that much, bread….  New month, new project.  Like NaNoWriMo for August.  Why not have 50k+ words every month, and for a MS.  I don’t see any problems with that.  Why not 100k.  Now I’m getting bold, greedy, feisty and snappy.  What I’m feeling this morning.  What I want.  Take over the world, my world.  My life in a way I haven’t prior.  I’m 41.  Still somewhat young, I guess.  And who gives a shit about young or old.  I’m alive, I’m here, I can create and see, observe and learn.

Fall 2020 will force me to finally write and market somehow an online course, or just course of my own.  Basically Composition, but emphasizing Freedom Immediately – Structure Later.  First assignment.  Write your day.  Study it.  What did you do.  What does it mean.  What did you learn.  What do you want in the following day.  Using your own scenes and pages to study, from which you can expand.

Past word count aim.  Passed the point where I thought I’d be with this coffee. Time to dive into dad character.  They haven’t mentioned being hungry or needing breakfast since the last expression, and that was just Emma. Maybe I should just keep writing.  Stay in this chair, see what happens.

Freedom now, structure later.

Much more enjoy that appearance, singular sentence with now hyphen and less capitalization.  Just what I’m thinking in this new month… more freedom.  Have a notebook on my person more.  Be armed.  A writer in a war zone, like a reporter.  Don’t use your goddamn phone, be a writer.  Scribble whilst you step.