Had to get out of bed, get to work.  I’m tired of the quarantine symptoms, man y of which I think I self-sow and just permit to go deeper into my circulation and brain tissue.  Allergies hitting enough to disrupt my movement if I let them.  Tired from run yesterday…   Surprised I put up 8 miles at the pace I did, honestly.  Running as early as I did certainly had something to do with it.

Both kids up, threatening to distract.  Have to get out of the house, work somewhere else but I can’t.  I’m trapped here… “shelter”.  Not so. Not this morning.  Not with all the commotion around me… Mom and Dad drive to Sunriver this morning, and I’m picked with and by jealousy’s palm and claws.  In our house there, with the view of the mountain, writing in that room that faces the street, the one my sister and I shared with the bunkbeds… and writing till about 12 or 1, going to the lodge for lunch… all this after running early in the morning around a couple of the circles.  Love how Sunriver is arranged in circles, and two golf courses.  Not that I play golf, or even like the sport, but riding my bike past the driving range at the North Course close to where I lived and then heading to the river where I would just cruise along the bank for a healthy count of miles, it just made me happy.  It was free.  True, a different time of my life, but I can sense that sense, that feel of riding and not having any commitment.  I knew I was safe, I knew the next day would be equally as enjoyable, that I’d see wildlife, that I was still away from hassle or intrusion.  If I were there now, I’d be starting the day the same way but differently…  there’d be no neighbors as there are here, and if by myself for a few days to finish a book there’d be no requests, none of one child saying they wished they had something I have.

Just a Monday mood, and I used to not get those…. I blame THIS.  Quarantine.  The SIP order, all of it.

5/11/20