inward jot

2017 Disposition  

img_0810I keep telling myself, “Be patient, be patient…” But it’s hard.  Woke from nap knowing I just lost two hours or so, and know what Mom would say, “Your body needed it, you need to rest.” Yes, I know, but still I think of what I could have had done, could have finished during that time.  Now, a little past 3pm.  Now what?  Keep moving.  Know what my aims are for the broad more enveloping consideration of everything.  I keep thinking how I’m not seeing results quick enough…. Well, that’s just immature.  This is a long climb, what I’m trying to do, and there are parts of the mountain that are arduous, grueling, purposefully painful.  I have to keep with my climb.

I also tell myself, “Simple.. singular… keep it simple.” So why is my character so inclined to complicate?  I’ll never get that, I won’t.  Have to take advantage of this time, right here on the floor of the home office.  Call myself the “#papablogga”, the “tireless writer”?  Then act like it.  I need to be more a fan of ME, and this me I need to be for my family and for our quality of life, and the years ahead.  One day I’ll have to pay for college, can you believe that? If you’ve already done so you’re probably muttering, “Yeah idiot, you better believe it.”  I get it.  The gravity of obligation and the importance of commitment to aims, your vision for yourself.

Kerouac spoke of just taking off, in ‘Road’.  I’m not quite doing that, but I am.  I have to.  Taking off into my world of creativity and teaching, wine and thought.  All of it.  Release everything.  Don’t measure, just cut.  That kind of thing.  I’m seeing such philosophy beneficial in business.  How?  There are no questions.  You have an answer to everything.  And so…. I’m awake in the day.  Quiet house.  Thoughts and thoughts, but there needs to be some actuation.  I should never be stuck (like I thought I was just a second ago, thinking “Ugh, what do I write next?”).  Just move.  And, patience.  Temperament, when it comes to results and outcomes.  For now, though… leap.  At everything.  And keep it simple, singular.  Life is so short, it’s infuriating.  So there’s no need to question yourself or wonder if what you’re doing is ‘the right thing’ to do.  If your interest is elevated, if you’re passionate, if you’re truthful with yourself concerning motivations, then just act.

Be the papa or mama of your story.  Be tireless.  I know this sound like some banal motivation blurb, but it’s not.  It’s a call to arms, action, rebellion against pattern and normality.  There’s nothing worse than wondering what would have happened, feeling not merely regret but resentment toward YOU for not being the you YOU wanted to be.  Not for me, no.  Guess that nap did the writer good.  Now I’m ready to work.  Now I’m ready for the day’s remainder.  Now I’m ready for more coffee and more words, more of this newly-riled ME.

So, readers…. WORK!  The mountain will stay its height.  Get ready for, and/or persist in your climbing.

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