10/1/14 journal excerpt…

5:07, in my little conference room in the library.  Doing the back-and-forth between research and writing.. Teaching on my mind, different approaches and rubric study, evaluating the student’s writing.  Sipping a sparkling lime water from the bookstore.  Not in the mood for caffeine.  And tonight, no wine, only water.  Need to wake early tomorrow– I know every time I say I’m going to do that I don’t, letting myself fall back onto that pillow, but tomorrow will be different, I promise.  I’ll wake at ‘Cathy hour’, around 4:30AM, and I’ll just leap into the journal, maybe scribble some verse in the dark, or semi-dark as I’ll have to turn on that lamp on the red end-table, the one upon which Jackie alway situates his car and trucks.  Either way I’ll be writing, I swear.. maybe I should get one or two of those iced coffees from the store before going home, so I can just pop one in the early hour rather than wake Alice and Jack with the coffee brewer.

Just made a couple additions to the novel from Spring 2014.  This is getting complicated and stressful.  I should be writing novels in one continuous effort.  Not all this cutting and pasting and rearranging.  This doesn’t feel natural.  That’s why I like the idea of writing a novel on a legal pad, or typing from beginning to end in a word doc– what kind of example am I setting for my students in composing a novel this way?  I’m learning from it, though, and I think I’m just going to resort to the ‘to hell with it’ attitude.  Just quickly arrange and loosely edit then release.  I need a novel out there, now, now.. bloody NOW!

Just added more from Spring to novel, and I see a pattern in my character, in my writing and addresses, and I think I’m pleased with it.  Just hope a reader is–  NEW DEADLINES:

novel draft:  10/8/14

whoso issue:  10/15/14

And these are serious, final and official.  I need material out there, I need to sell pages and I need to change my character habits, for the running too.  Wake earlier to run, for weekends that is, and test yourself [me speaking to me, here] with how you dive into standalone projects, and runs.  Every run is a standalone piece and– been over this before.  Think I DO want another cup of coffee.  I’ll get it right before class, hope that gets me through the session, and it will I know.  Just found a rubric online that cites or emphasizes “Style/Expression”.  Interesting.  I like how the two are conjoined rather than quarantined as separate ideas and evaluative modes.  Looking for high school English teaching philosophies, and then the internet goes does.  “Goddamnit!” I almost scream.  Need to go to SSU at some point and roam around their library for education sources, philosophy books, sources and resources.  This is my new mode in teaching, and I need to list EVERYTHING I find that can help: contacts, books, writing prompts, texts.. EVERYTHING!  “Investigating the world as it unfolds,” this blog mentions (yes, the internet is finally working), interests me– reactions, the news, staying aware– the ideas attack me right before class.. excellent…..

Wouldn’t say I didn’t care when I first started teaching, I just didn’t put the time into my practice that I do now.  And it’s shown me a lot about my Self as well as the elemental and intrinsic Art of teaching.  I’ve never felt this mentally alive before.