Went out to Vacaville to see the nurse, was exhausted when I arrived home. Slept 8 hours for the second time in a week. Woke this morning eager and essentially anxious to see my kids, unable to wait for our “special breakfast” and all of us be together, talk, and do something fun like walk to the Green or one of my my Daddy Wine Country drives that Jack always requests, cruising Chalk Hill Road.
Whatever they want. This is not a day to celebrate me, but celebrate THEM. My babies. They make me a dad…. Nothing else is important. Just them.
The only relationship(s) I truly invest in anymore. Not saying I don’t with my family, of course not, just my kid are… shit, they’re everything. If it weren’t good with them, I’d be destroyed. So, yes.. I spoil them. Yes, I give in perhaps when I shouldn’t. YES…. I’m more than an occasional sucker or pushover.
Latter, no music. I want quiet. Typing in the nook this morning… Nurse last night telling me she tried dating apps but is also now off. I said something cave man-sh like “Yeah, they suck…” She, more wise and associative saying, “It’s a job.” Meaning, something to monitor, something to check, just another to-do. Mine, completely gone. And they will NEVER come back.