Got back to house from Oliver’s walk to get sandwich for lunch.  The downpour only minutes after I was through the door, up in kitchen.

My thinking is different today.  Waking and having espresso first thing, talking with a friend briefly, then into day.  All receipts entered, office still though a mess following storage empty.  Cleaning tonight, avowed.  Looking for reasons to throw away, not packrat.

No luck with sales still.  Thinking of my next move as this stress can’t be good for me.  So….  Maybe I should get out of the house drive territory.  Thought about a nap, but no.  No fucking way.  I need to turn this around, all of it.  Getting on phone…..

4:51 where did the day go.  Another inbound lead, and this one worse than last.  Checking my mail at 5, then news and a glass.  And clean kitchen, pack suitcase, or start.  Feel like I should be more excited about the trip, but the quota war takes all my thoughts and concentrations.  Every fragment and sliver and ounce.

When back from Hawaii, I need to be in a more aggressive mode with this quota.  How… what.  Don’t think so hard for one, and don’t judge prospective conversations and connection.  Don’t value even when you can.

Office a little cleaner.  Coming back down here tonight the same way my dad does every night in his office.  No movies, no distractions, none of that.  Just writing, research, some reading…. READ MORE, I keep telling myself.  I’ll say there’s not enough time but that’s bullshit there’s plenty time, I just don’t set aside any.  Tonight, reading Bukowski’s On Writing book.

More directions and conversations like yesterday with new people over new wines, new property.  Wine… there’s something I haven’t heard before from her voice.  What exactly… I’m overthinking, sure that’s the problem and I know it is I acknowledge it so much but never right myself when I do so.  Maybe tonight’s office session will help.