Nerve Mist

Woke singing some song, no idea what is it.  That ever happen to you?

7:21am at desk and coffee. No Starbucks this morning.  Been breaking my no-Starbucks recent rule to be nice to everyone in house.  Not today, and not that I don’t want to be be nice but I keep thinking about my 2/1/22 deadline and date to be in Pais.  A lot going through the writer’s head this morning – how I haven’t run in days, AGAIN.  How I actually didn’t sell anything last month as an AE and I know I need to let that go but it’s near impossible.

Hear Jack upstairs doing something, cleaning or putting something into a bag, or pulling the trash bag out of its container in his bathroom.

On possible sale I could make, going to communicate pricing later and attach the Engineer, Ditter, in case the guy says something like “that’s not in my budget at all…” like a recent email was reacted to.  May just stay at this desk, call and email from here.  If I do that, I could do speed work at the 24 just up the street.

Too much thought, I know.  Time is awful, just moves and doesn’t care what I’m doing or how I’m reacting. Just move, be more musical, I remind myself which definitely reads like something I’ve already written,,,, now I’m frustrated.

Hear Jackie brushing his teeth then hitting the brush against the sink a couple times, then cleaning the sink, I hope.  Then I’m numb and blank and not able to record anything.  Goddamnit I hate when this happens.  Drink you coffee, relax….  Take the day off?  No… don’t do that.  Even though you could and use the shift as reason.  I won’t though, I won’t.

Where am I running today.  Maybe along 12 like I saw those runners the other day—  No, speed work.  Who cares, just run.  Get some miles logged, PLEASE.  Nd write about the run, wherever you do it.  The running declaration, THE HOLY CONTOUR… what happened to that?  

Nothing, I tell myself.  One hour, treadmill, SLOW.  And no wine tonight so you can wake early tomorrow— oh shit I have the leads group, and I have to do that application.  No worries, run after that.  We meet in person tomorrow, and they serve breakfast which I will respectfully decline… and I think I need to write them a check too…. Thinking about to much.  This is what causes anxiety and I’ve never been an anxious person.  Well, not until of late, at this age, maybe all of my 40s so far.  Shit, I can say that now, “My 40s.” Gross.

7:37, August 3rd, already.  Stop thinking about time.  Make a project or business and book out of it.  Of EVERYTHING.  Prospecting new business, running, being an AE, my 2/1/22 countdown to Paris, the kids, the coming Fall semester…. EVERYTHING.  Today, make today its own voice and music, book, blog….. 8/3/21.  The shift is a project, obviously.  Everything is.  The way my son is singing right now, making me laugh but not letting out actual laughs… a page stretch.