Woke this morning eager and not so much worried but with a dire sense about me.

I need to sell something.  Not pleased waking up like this.  Tired of being locked in the house, not able to walk streets and acquire new business and leads, start new conversations.

Last night’s first class went well, very well actually.  Teaching me something about how I approach the classroom, or online instruction anyway.  Not certain of what, but something.

Refusing to leave the chair today, for anything.  Even to get myself a coffee.  Have the second cup on desk.  Sipping slows down as I get further into my thinking and deconstruction of what is, the Now.

Feeling yesterday’s 5+ miles… Henry protesting upstairs, not sure for what.  Could be sleep, could be food, or maybe he’s getting bored too with being inside all the goddamn time.  Aim is to be in the chair tonight.  Have done nothing but fail at attempting such over the past however many months.  Work nights…. Be a student again, you have an essay do tomorrow morning and it needs to be done.  So work into the harshest of evening hours.

One of the AE’s recommended a Himalayan restaurant in Rohnert Park yesterday.  This wouldn’t make it into an entry but something Melissa said yesterday about needing an adventure of some kind brings this into a paragraph.  Want to switch eating habits….  Not go vegetarian, but just eat differently.  He said it randomly in the conversation, this AE, David, saying that Indian food sounded lovely.  Mentioned the restaurant and clarified that technically it’s Himalayan cuisine.  Can’t remember the last time I ate Indian, or Himalayan.  WAIT…. Yes I can.  With someone I was courting as an IT partner when I first started in the Enterprise division.  Well over a year ago.  Goddamn this pandemic.  I need a blizzard of adventures.

You know what, I am getting that latte.  And I’m getting on the phone today.  Calling any business I think is interesting.  Not cold-calling.  The only reason I see it that way is from telling myself over and over it’s cold-calling.  So make it something different.  I’m too old to cold-call, honestly.  And frankly I just won’t do it.  So don’t then.

8:37, no activity yet anywhere except for upstairs with the kids on their zooms.  I can hear Emma’s overly-energetic teacher sing while she talks and ask questions.  I try to ignore and study her concurrently.  So where does this leave this morning’s Mike Madigan… having one idea then another about prospecting new business.  The IT guy, friend, I spoke to yesterday said he had no prospects as of now.  So I shouldn’t feel bad, right?  Or maybe I should.  Need more activity, more singing about my actions like Emmie’s teach.  Adventure… now.  A new company, a new world and office, new types and me in this chair.  And this is not just one of my promissory paragraphs, I hope.

I sip the coffee and it’s just boring.  Not adventurous.  Go get a fucking latte.