7/1/20

Doing everything different this month.  Right now I’m on the couch in the living room, if that’s what you call this room, and typing.  Not at the small desk in the “office” as always.  6:58, had a little sip of the coffee I made last night.

Working from home today.  No Field visit.  Going to get on phone and call on the leads and businesses gathered yesterday, and then some.

I’m not going to get into my normal state when no sales occur.  That’s part of what blocked me last month, I think.  I don’t think, I KNOW.

Someone else said that this whole thing is like Groundhog Day.  Well, it’s like that if you allow such.  I’m not.  Going for a 4-mile run today.  Starting a running and meatless streak.  No meat.  Had a burger last night from KIN but consider that the parting party and gift.

Energized this morning, lively, excited for Newness… new month, new results.  And decreeing and declaring NO WINE this month.  Yes, it will be tough, and tempting to have a glass of SB at the new spot, but I have to do this.  I have to break patterns and any and all consistencies.

July2020 is now a project. More than transformation or even a re-write.  Objective stance and consideration…. I want to see what this character Mike Madigan will do… what he can do and how he’ll react to certain stage conditions.

Just thought of how I contact IT people, initially… going to do that much differently again as well.  No Starbucks this month….. wake at 5 or earlier….

The Web Design project greatly accelerated this month.  One client for web/blog design and creation by month’s end, I’m hoping.  Not going to advertise and post on Facebook like I always do… “Need Website Design?  I know a guy.” Yesterday posted.  Nothing like that.  Just going to post my work, invite people to take a look.

Started ‘J2020’ log.  4 aims for today, the 4 miles and sharing site work along with no wine and bed before 10.  All are attainable, but I have to break with or make Mike Madigan separate from certain avenues and atmosphere of movement and general living if any are to happen.

What I mean by the objective consideration is that I’m the author, and Mike Madigan will react to what I write.  After this sitting and posting to his blog, Mike will check into work, send his flight plan to the dept. director.  OH, he just remembered he’s clear to go into the office and work, which means he can bring his running accoutrement and do his old route.  This makes him feel even more hungry with this new month… July… and it wasn’t just the sales or utter absence thereof in June, but the repetition that he allowed.

……..

After taking Jack to camp Mike assured himself that the office is where he’d be.  Check in with wife make sure she doesn’t need him home for anything, to watch Emma or just anything.

This new month, like NaNoWriMo… he’s deciding on a book.  To become someone else.  Declaring war on patternization and repeats of any form kind, color or suggestion.

He’d write in the third person… become no-him, as he once said to students writing their narrative… “Write it as the most not-you of you’s….” He smiles while he types, knowing this is the month that changes not just the writing and his location and mind but Personhood.  Moving quicker, much like a fighter and a fighter who trains more obsessively and with more carnivorous curve than others in his class.

There are no others in his class, he tells himself.  Just him.  This month will punctuate and actualize that, then narrate it to the world urging readers to change on their own and don’t kneel before some societal condition or some order telling you to stay in one place.

Mike sees an alert on phone.  Doesn’t pick it up or even look.  He doesn’t care.  Not this month or going forward.  The run today, old route, or part of it, and only 4 miles.  If he feels like more while out there then fine but not too much more.  He wants to stay hungry, not have that feeling of ‘Ugh, what a long run…” No.  He wants to end the run wanting more and wishing he could but not allowed to by he, the self, the instructor.

He sat there typing and thinking that he was watching somehting… a show.. or better, reading a book about this Mike Madigan chap.

41, Account Executive, not selling shit because of the pandemic but then remembering that any stress is the consequence of reaction and translation of the reality.  And he’s not a fucking AE, that’s not his identity.  

A writer.  Poet, more appropriately—

Floor empty

Till I step

Music in all windows 

Light that gets through

Alarms ignored as

I’m already up

Sky and clouds back

Me up

Like our quintet for time

A day magnified and

Amplified

For new tracks

A second a thought

A room a page

All the same

But not since you move then 

Pen in contract

Adoration of renewed sense and

Inner mediation

Wrapped catnap

Mike doesn’t title it as he always pressures himself to do.  Doesn’t even date it. It’s just there.  Part of the morning, day, the run later.

He won’t let himself be bored, and completely ignores and dismisses he does this mention of groundhog day.  Won’t even capitalize.  Not deserving.

Quiet, everyone still asleep.  Let them sleep, he said to his page.  Of course, he then dictates.  But even still….   The room and new day promise magic, or understanding, new education of self.  But isn’t that magic…?

I think nothing of today and this new month.

I KNOW.

I will just write everything as I want it be, been.

Maybe that should be the consistency or dominant idea this Fall, with the sections I’m awarded.  Two 1A’s, or whatever.

Everything, different.  The couch, my loving pew.  Typing, no.  Writing, absolutely.  Experiencing new and more suitably imbued absolution….  Not at small desk, and received, renewed, reliving a younger writer I was in college possibly… more poems than paragraphs. iAnother sip from tumbler, and more I tumble into new month’s run.

07:36