Project

25.

Quarter of way, MY way, through project.  Going to be on phone a bit today, I feel, and have to prep for class tonight.  But as I explained there won’t be much “prep”.  With how this semester came into my caress, there won’t be any stress, there won’t be any angst, it will be cruise control, the same control I see principally at the end of this project.

I do see self running at lunch, leaving just a bit after 11.  Going to rile self for more than 5 miles, but if the heats upon me sneaks, I don’t know and can’t assure any outcome.  So as now I start the day, not really working, and still telling self “you got this” like so many over and over repeat, I realize I just need to keep talking and keep moving.  No, I do know what I’m doing, I do have a sense of the tech around me and the varying products there are in my book and on some sheet of laminated or fancy paper, but I get that nervous village of nerves in my actual nerves whenever hearing about the tech, or having to.  This is all in my head, I realize when in a conversation as I more than my own hold.  But… the village is there.

At the end of this project of sorts, those nerves, the village, will be erased. Either by actual knowledge or such a comfortable curve in my character when speaking about it that neither you nor I would be able to tell what’s what, and who you’re talking to.  “He just knows his shit.” Or something like that you’d say.  And why am I thinking about the end of the project.  I don’t want this project to end, in doting multitude of ways.  Giving me something new, some Newness to do and swim in.  MY way, that’s what this is, at my desk.  The P-O-Z Agency…. Coming to life.  Humor, music, the time I’m in itself….

Needing new words.  Synonyms or something.  Mom says I’m too wordy at time, and I guess on paper she’s right. But, writes can easily tire of their own vocabulary.  Won’t allow my writing or how I narrate, my SELF, give to any desuetude.  Ever.  It’s rather hilarious when you think about it, a writer, mostly of wine, in a tech office.  An Account Executive, no less.  I love this new story on several notes, but I’m in a self-discovery or realization roundabout.  I’m one of those ADD people that’s not ADD but may be, especially with all this new story and stimulation.  Taking notes…. On everything.  Calling or emailing.  I’m everywhere, I know, and instead of combatting it or attempting to clean it up, why not wholly and wildly embrace my own madness.

I am I will I do I can.

Done with latte.  Think I might need more coffee.

Appointments, appointments, appointments.  Taking kids to school, then having an appointment tomorrow right when I get it.  Prepping for tomorrow, today.  Which makes today mostly tomorrow-y.

Make sense?

To me, neither.