tired, not in mood to do anything, really. Turns out little Emma has a cold, or something. Poor little beat. Shouldn’t have ran as much as I did, 11.33 miles, thereabouts, as I’ll need strength for tonight with the sick little plum. Have to get a haircut, do some stuff, writings and lectures, for Summer, then be on standby… Being a father is always being on standby, which I’m fine with— more than “fine with”, I’m motivated by it, I thrive on what this life is and how it pushes me, keeps me a bit on edge, like this morning being woke early by Jack, coming downstairs and having coffee and breakfast and cartoons.
Stepping away from the laptop, as I don’t feel much like writing now, only living, getting done what I need done. I’ll return later in day, hopefully with not this odd disposition.. thinking about too much, I know what the problem is, it’s me, my attitude and my lack of focus, singularity, something I preach to the students so I make myself a fat blaring hypocrite. Nice.
1:39.. haircut done, coffee right, no more spending money today, except a coffee run which I’m gifting myself, this last day off before Summer term launches. Thought on the run about this being a lifestyle blog.. my style of life. What is it? Well obviously, and most visually (especially with how the day started, Jackie coming downstairs and me instantly in dad mode), I’m a father. A father who runs, writes, and teaches. And I think that about encapsulates it, no? I don’t have to call myself an ‘entrepreneur’ as so many do and if you do it, you just do it. Right? Just my thought.
Was so tired in the chair, at the hair place. Had no energy, and felt a mood coming, but then I thought, “Fuck this. No mood. I have shit to do.” So I’m doing it, writing in my Happiness Project journal that ’N’ gifted me the last day of ‘5’, “Embrace interference, work with and in it, enjoy the results and joy you craft for yourself.” The results I want, are getting closer. The travel, the freelancing, books, blog consulting, running in other states. Teaching is a HUGE part of my life’s “style”, as my approach to teaching is more conversational, an ideas exchange meant to empower, and I mean truly empower, students. Oh, I’m not tired anymore… just landed a writing gig with a winemaking friend.. have to schedule better, with so much on plate.. it’s doable, I just need to schedule… Wrote plan till 5PM. Then what… have to think.. think… But not too hard. Overthinking is writer death, and my whole “business” revolves around words. No words, no meals. Can’t afford a caesura in my verdure.
Ha ha… I’ve fought off the mood and now I laugh at myself when I get like that, tired and not wanting to do anything. So, almost ready for my sbux run. Ugh, no more running today, please. (Joke, to me funny…) What I learn from life is to let myself learn from my Self. And embrace everything, let everything in. And the mistakes? Oh, that’s the good stuff. The most character-shaping and empowering lessons lie in the act of error. I find them more true, richly empowering, and adding to your consistency of life, truly living (not just existing), in ways that little else does, can, or ever will. Think about that. Huh, I should think about that, over and over and more and more.
Hope little Emma’s doing alright. Alice is with her now at the doctor’s appointment, where she was scheduled to get her shots but I doubt that will take place, or I hope it doesn’t, with her a little sick. I knew something was up with Ms. Austen this morning, with her slimy eyes and sniffles, eyeballs glazed and shinier than a polished marble counter. Waiting for a text from Alice, and update. And I hate waiting. I know I need to get better with my utter lack of patience, but when it comes to my daughter I think my irritability and angst is warranted.
Oh, and she’s six months old today, my little princes… Love love love love love love love love love love LOVE her. Forever.