DAY 64: we 1/14/15

Up and so much on mind, with publishing and just putting everything out there which I’m still going to do, and getting J dressed and shaving and getting him out the door ontime. But I’m overthinking again, just as I did last night. My packed bag, on the chair, one of the wooden ones with the table in the nook. No laptop today, I’ll scribble in my car or in the loft.. and keep writing what people say, what DP says in that pointless meeting and– distracted by the desktop of this thing.. god I hate it. My notebooks, put in bag in a minute– “Jackie, time to get dressed, buddy.” I say, then “No I wa’ one minute…” he umbrellas, I can’t pull him from that ideology, waffles and Mickey Mouse first, my plan second, and I understand. 7:29, time to move…
His socks, shirt, pants on. He told me he didn’t like the pants that were put out for him, which is interesting as I was just thinking how nice they looked, when I was putting them on, he said “I want that pants,” pointing to a pair of jeans on the floor. I told a little whitish lie, saying “They don’t fit you, remember?” referring to a pair I put on the other day and found they were much too big. He bought was I sold and the trousers were quite secure. Now, we count time, not stressing over it and wanting as much typed in this project as I can.. I won’t bring the laptop, I won’t bring the laptop, I won’t– I tell myself. And I won’t, I’ll let it stay here and charge but the worry is there, that I won’t transfer the scribbles of today, like I didn’t day 43 or whatever it was. But today’s about mass sweeping change, remember? Don’t talk, just write.. think of all those words and thoughts you waste talking to people. Stay quiet, just scribble, and be quick with singular words, small sentences, and catalogued fragments. 24 hours from now, we’ll be in class, 50 mins in, reading the first passages of Road or engaged in some activity, or writing, something.
The workplace is such a joke, and I want that seen as one of my journaled consistencies.. and it has to be, by now.. standalones and my obsession with in and of them makes it easier to expose the follies of the clock, how in meetings so many new policies and standards and ways are decreed but never monitored properly or instituted fully. And all the drama, some of which I’ve commented on when talking to certain slanderers, and I shouldn’t have, I should have written it down (what I was thinking or then saying to that person). But I didn’t, I fanned flames. Not today, just walk away and write. Need another coffee, and I just noticed this thing isn’t charging– not plugged into wall. That’s helpful. Not I definitely can’t bring it, with only 44% power. Good. All for a reason, and the Story’s the reasoner.