entry – 3/10, 3/11

Even more evidence that Self-publishing’s the only way for me.  Today, at the AV Winery, met a gentleman while shadowing a tour, former math teacher, that had written a couple textbooks, had them published.  He said that he made less than 10k/year from his writing efforts, even though the publishers were essentially bullies with their deadlines.  “When the publisher gives you a deadline, I mean…that’s it, it’s a deadline,” he said.  Like the devilish publisher’s his boss.  Now, one could say to me, “Yeah, they are the writer’s boss.” And I agree, if a writer were to agree with such an arrangement.  Me, I’m done with “bosses,” “supervisors,” managers of any milieux.  Like Dad has always told me, “You work for You.”

After this entry, going to finish a poem I started today, meant to be short.  Had another fantasy today, while shadowing a coworker’s tour, of touring with my words, reciting to crowds.  That night in a hotel where I’m by mySelf, writing at a desk by an open sliding glass door, with a bottle of a found red near, just to right of my writing hand.  See it a pen2paper session…

Tried waking early this AM, but little Kerouac woke us at 5-something, so I needed the sleep.  Woke at 8:20-something.  Even my 3-shot mocha today from the corporate Joe temple couldn’t charge me.  Thought about winemaking while sipping, north on 101, then Chalk Hill.  Left a message for my sister, about this ’12 vintage.  Want my wine to have a character–that calm Cabernet cruise of a conscience.  But, she’s in her barrel.  And the never-patient writer’s pinned in wait.  Horrid.

Not sure where I’m going with this poem I started today.  Should just follow its orders, “go with it,” as Dad once said when I called him from a writing assignment’s destination.  I called him and said I found it overwhelming, that I didn’t know where to start.  He voiced the above line, urged that I ride the consciousness stream, take it ALL in, don’t feel confined to one focus.  See, a publisher would try and make a writer like me have a “direction,” one they found useful, marketable and profitable for them.  They would try to make me act “professionally.” They’re the enemy.  And another idea I asseverated today, was that being a Self-published writer shouldn’t be so hard, processed, to legitimize, warrant.  Painters and other artists, can be independent, people expect them to be; just paint, put it on display, exhibited in a gallery, or shop, or restaurant–out there somewhere for eyes.  Winemakers, filmmakers, musicians, other business owners.  Why not writers?  I always asked, hoping someone would answer for me, like I was fishing for acceptance, approval, someone to say, “go ahead.” So, I answered, I approved.  Today.

Tired.  Tomorrow, in Kaz’s Room.  Excited to see how the Lenoir’s tasting.  The ’08 Cab, too.  Need to get back in the groove of writing, and yes TYPING (as it need be, for a BOOK), 3 pieces a day.  Not going to finish the poem tonight, as I need sleep.  I remember one time, while I was living off Mission here in Santa Rosa, I wrote a 2 verse spoken word piece in a matter of 12 minutes.  I timed my Self, as to finish before a favorite program came on.  I later recorded it, put it to a CD I sold.  Those habits, need revival.  In some respects, I think I may have already.


3/11:  Forgot about daylight savings time.  How is it 9:04a, already?  Rain drops, marching down the tin gutter, or drain, on the other side of this wall.  Going to print a rough draft of the chapbook in less than an hour.  Will bring it to tasting Room, read it if not busy.  This weekend’s another one for barrel tasting, but not in Sonoma Valley.  Made that mistake last weekend.  Think Alexander Valley’s up this weekend.  And no, my AV Winery isn’t participating.  Good for them.  Anyway, the 52-page manuscript will certainly be edited, but I want it to appear raw, unfiltered.  Like AV Winery’s wines.  Truly representative of this independent writer’s moments.  Yes, grammar, spelling issues will be mended.  Punctuation…only if it’s really disruptive.  A traditional publisher, with its robotic behavior, would throw my pages into a Literary puke pile, I’m sure.  Which is why I’m independent.  I’m somewhat starting to think that the tag “self-publishing” or “self-publisher” is something I want to change.  Even “self-imprinting” sounds sterile, industrial.  Why not “independent writer,” like “independent filmmaker?”; Or, “independent contractor?” Why are they independent, ‘cause their craft isn’t up to a certain standard?  Are they not good at what they do?  No, I say in most cases.  They want to produce and perform at their own pace.  Writer.  INDEPENDENT.  And I don’t want those readers that think much of my writing’s angry or rage-wrapped to here see me as again incensed.  No!  I’m quite happy, peace’d actually, finally.  Secure in my scribe skin.  Need coffee now.


Downstairs, caffeine keys

for me, what I behave.

That doesn’t sound

right, says the printer.


Sure it does.


Me, a block, collide.  Just need a cup hot.  Mocha mix or no?  Just read a little more of 2012ChapBook1, I’m actually shocked at how much I like what I’m reading, how excited I am to print it this morning.  Feel amazing to be independent.  Independent Writer…  Sounds so much better than “self-published,” or “self-imprinted.” NewMike reminds everyone he’s on stage, and never going away.