18:11

In Vacaville.  Nurse still at work, me at the table inventorying a long day, and setting aims for eve.  In fact— NO.  One idea today, and I’ve had it before but today it was more aggressive.  Don’t write don’t plan don’t fucking promise.

Just DO.  Bring it to life.  Anything.  Anything you want.  Okay, I asked myself about to turn onto 12 toward Sonoma this morning after sending the Nurse a text at the red light, if you could do anything for work, anything, what would it be.

Obvious, but I’ve always seen it as reach, or fantasy.  Well, no more.  Not saying what it is, not being declarative or promissory, just making tangible.

Portobello our cat goes to the sliding glass door, looks out.  Appears calm but also looks like a prisoner looking out their window wondering, “What’s it like, to just… be out there.”

18:15

Had a late-ish lunch in Napa’s downtown, this Mexican place I’ve never been and I promised myself I wouldn’t lunch out but I couldn’t fend off the famine.  So….

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Freewriting here. Not looking for a reaction, or even a comment.  Just setting sail and seeing where waters take me.  Bumpy or not.  Keep writing.  New Story found.  Another glass of the SB, Nurse messages me briefly.  She gets another patient, and this late.  Again, no one I know works like she does.

Looking at the puzzle on the table.  How much of it have done, none.  I didn’t try that hard when we started on xmas night.  Or, even at all.

Everything is a puzzle.  Just figure it out.  Have another glass of wine, relax.  Give your SELF some grace.  Don’t think you have to be working all the fucking time.  And, with the current role, just ride it out like Oz suggested.

Calming… off the phone with Nurse, and more sense in my cells.  Cat wants to go out, and I grant him a walk on the yard.  Open the door he leaves like he’s never experienced grass.  Gives me peace, and needed.  Always nerve-y before the next day in this fucking sales role.  Honestly, and it liberates.  Glass of Pinot after sweet text from Nurse, look at the puzzle again.  That’s the symbol or metaphor, beacon of suggestion for night.