12-28-24

First chance to write.  Nurse and I had Ramen at Gaijin, Sebastopol.  Hadn’t been in well over a year and we’ve been meaning to go back.  Finally did, and amazing.

Relaxing inside on cloudy day, bit muggy.  Both of us at the table, laptops open.

How does it get better than this, I ask myself.  More than happiness, or love, or any mortal word I can land on in my head.  I’m happy, and in this new year there will only be bliss.  Bliss on tap, like Pacino said in Advocate.

No needs other than the Room, the Nurse here with me.  Thoughts of my kids over the past five days, Emma yesterday asking me what my goals are for 2025.  At first I didn’t know how to answer but then told her “To have my own business, and open it actually…” Surprised that’s how I answered, or worded it.  But there it was, I hear me, myself say it with firmness unexpected – ME talking to me.

I asked her and she said she wanted to write more, and get better at writing.  I told her anything me or the Nurse can do to help, let us know.  She later approached the Nurse and asked if she’d do a puzzle with her. They did, and later completed it.

Well, the Nurse completed it, but Emmie was in it, deeply, for a considerable time.

Me with a zen inner-send currently.  LoFi beats of course, a usual pull of late.  What I said to Emma yesterday – today is DAY ONE.  Focus on people, family, plenty of characters around me.  No need to wish for anything to write about I remind myself.

The Nurse asks me if I want to go see a movie, Wicked.  Yes, I respond.  We’re looking at times and seats now… shit, only front-front row seats.  “Not sure if I want to see it bad enough to break the neck,” she says.  I agree.

Tickets bought, seeing an earlier show.  Thinking of a SELF portrait.  Me now at 45 still trying to be solid and set in a work context.  Writing for my life now, completely.  Observations and experiences and going further into them – Now, me here with Nurse and getting movie tickets and excited both of us about the film and dinner, cooking together and listening to music.

Walking from here to Oliver’s Market as we’ve done hundreds of times, but today was different.  The new year, and the life we’re building, about to REALLY start.  Nothing left to want.  And I’m not a figure of want, anymore.  Rather finding the color and reward in what is.

The seemingly plain, like I’ve said—  Truck outside, past deck and in other complex.  It sounds old and industrial.  Reworking how I write and see the world, react and write to, for, about, within, all the whys.

This new year brings with it a staunch opposition to fear, reluctance, even my own overthought.  It has to be put down, like a rabid raccoon.

Last night, watching a scary movie with the Nurse, Jack and his friend he had sleep over…. Thought the visuals were interesting, plot maybe a little, but the length was overkill, and some turns in the progression too obvious.  Should have had more wine.