Just wanted to write out the whole date for once. Day any everything. In office, kids picked up, first latte from Café Noto in a while. Some aims for day, but no harsh self-emphasis and pointing on what I ‘should do. No more should. That implies there is a plan or perception. Older I get I’m somewhat anti-plan, and give a shit about people’s perception.
Also thinking about this NaNo project. I’m not a novelist. And really NaNo is about word count, not project architecture or planning or narration. I mean, that’s my perception. So there you go. I’m not a novelist. More diarist and poet and avant-garde essayist than fiction paginator.
Ordered kids breakfast this morning, the big kids. Emma wanting those Mickey Mouse pancakes from Skillets but only eating the sausages, two, and a couple bites of the pancakes, which aren’t very big. So, Daddy had breakfast. This is good, meaning no lunch out later… May take self to dinner somewhere, like…. Who knows.
Still hope to run later, but….. who knows. No ‘should’ language. Mom tells me to go enjoy my morning, and I will. Some receipts to enter, but I can do that later. Haircut, what I really want to get out of the way. My go-to Linda I think is working today, so…
Receipts entered. Shit, not all of them. See a small stack over there, on the ottoman to my left against the brick. Taking time to self, listening to Boozoo Bajou. Anything that surfaces in head get put into a line.. new words. Quixotic, calash, yuek. Not words I’d necessarily use in any day to day, but noting I want more words in my thinking, expression.
Yeuking my meditation, hoping something valuable materializes and takes for and instructs more Road for the day. This day, MINE. All of it. From now until it ends. Emotions intense but melodic and soft. Not in any way passive. Reminder to transfer money for mortgage… life teaching me. Simplification and consolidation…. In all movements and communications. Jazz I think is the next move and music stance. Be more Coltrane than Madigan….
Just noticed I still have on my glasses. What does that suggest. Shit, that I’m comfortable with them…. Maybe NEED them? Change the subject… Funny when Kerri and I are out to dinner she now has a pair for me. Not sure that dictates either…. Does she see me as old, or getting older?
This room, MINE. Should get out of the house, that haircut then. Had an idea… HAPPINESS and the definition, defense-but-non-defense of my happiness. No certain type of human allowed to curve, curtail, or cut it.
Feel like today I’m a reborn writer… learning how to again, and all over. Fine where I am, conversations in my head, ones recent and some years ago…. “I think I’m gonna get a D in Mr. Anthony’s class.” My high school friend Danny, with whom I’ve recently reconnected, said at the end of the day walking to the 5L bus stop on El Camino.
I nearly earned a D, but recovered. Dan, not so lucky.