barista at window, with the energy I needed, to tell me to rile Self, get as much into and from the day as you can.
Going to Field, Petaluma and Airport Blvd in Santa Rosa. Had Henry down here with me around 6:30, had time to think about day and rest of semester, my birth month just days away…. How I’ve arrived HERE, in this house.
Smooth jazz in background. Not really listening just more of a background. Do you call it “white noise”? Anyway, looking to the Field for answers, more people, more stories… Tasha saying last year that I changed what it means to be an AE. And how NOW, I see being an AE as being the trues most creative and self-surveying character you can be. If you like fishing, AE life should feel like that… (written yesterday in journal)
Or should I drive somewhere else…..? Like where, not sure. My aim is to help build the network, and the network is currently only so big. This happens every morning – me trying to plan the day and pressuring self to have it all planned, mapped out or whatever, rather than just letting the day speak to me. ME, here at the desk.. it’s only 7:42. Early morning thoughts and meditations. Petaluma calling me, South McDowell and North. Maybe lunch there as well, somewhere other than the Goat. Can hear the music I put on now, this Smooth Jazz list on Spotify. Reminds me of Bayview, Dad working in his office and he one time telling me he only had it on for background or white noise, something as part of his routine I guess. And now I’m here, I’m him. Somewhat. Trying to be more like him at my aging age…
Day 249 in the 365 project. Shocked I’ve kept up with it. The image gets closer, that image… me, where I need be. The barista this morning, her voice and vigor, enthusiasm through that speaker, when she gave me the change.. need more of that so I change my attitude and mood, sight and how I scribble.
AE notebooks, more notes, more thoughts, more approaches that are more anti-approaches. Everything antithetical, anti-paradigm and predictability. In fact, I’m going to more or less stop the usage of that word. It’s just me, and I’m About EVERYTHING around me… like Kerouac in the woods, like Hemingway on the battlefield or in some café watching people…. Happiness, finding love in what one does. More ideads land like birds in the morning flying wherever, having no real plan. Isn’t that truth, isn’t that what one should more seek in living, I mean REALLY living? Yes to plan a bit from time to time is a boon, but excess is a burden. Do I have that wrong?
About to write flight plan, so a bit of contradiction… but that’s the antagonizing fiber of this day and morning so far… a certain inertia, kinetic composition. Sip latte open other laptop, start….