4:45 and I’m calling it.  Not many conversations at all today.  Trying to think of more new creative ways to approach this new year, and I know that’s part of the obstruction and dare I say the problem. So, closing day.  Though, did find some useful leads, one I just emailed – a commercial realtor in the East Bay.

Lot in head now, notably what I’m doing tonight.  Sitting in this chair.  Working as long as I can, and if I don’t work here then at the kitchen island counter.  Write out everything.  Presently, in this EOD note, I’m sipping the Caddis Cab.  Opened a new bottle to feel the vocals in the most true of true truths.  More fitting right now, at this hour.  Has me wanting to get on phone, talk to people and try and convert that way.  Haven’t been on the phone much, lately.  Blame the holidays.  Committing self to 25 calls tomorrow.  Or more.  I don’t know. Pretty sure people don’t want to be called right now, so make the call warm and fuzzy I tell myself.  Hate that expression, but you know what I mean.

Thought of my last time in Sunriver, with my old friend Chris.  He and I haven’t spoken in over 13 years, but I remember what it was, what it felt like being up there.. free, driving into Bend for dinner and drinks.  No covid, nothing to hold me in any way. What was I, 21?  Yes… barely.  Now, in the year I turn 42 and I’m writing and working for my life.  I mean that in a good way, know it didn’t sound so.  But it is.  I didn’t drink wine then, not like I do now.  What does this have to do with an EOD report, nothing.  Just want I’m thinking after a day of talking to no one, no new business prospects.  Tomorrow’s new, and this stressing is not counterproductive it’s self-execution.  So I stop it.

The Cabernet is telling me to stop with the urgency, just explore, learn, be eased and believe in what you for self see.  The office, the beach house, Bottledaux coming to life.  Kids will be home soon, from getting a lemonade from somewhere to go with Melissa.  I will be in this chair tonight, enjoy more of this – my favorite intoxicant.  QUIET.  Nothing feels like this, anymore.  Noise become intrusive, and injurious.  Stop with that, she, the Cabernet, insists.  Pour self more, return to chair, more music.  Tycho of course, some remix I’ve never heard.  Look outside, kids playing.  No cares. Not mine, but the cliquish cricket neighbors’.  Already bored watching, so I come back.  The song, “No Stress”, needed.  Empty glass, and I remember the St. Francis days sipping with my friends after work, the time JK tried to pour wine from a valve, from one of the barrels on Barrel Tasting weekend.  It went everywhere, and he said he thought he could do it – “I was just doing what I saw Katie doing all day.” Katie, my sister.  We all laughed, and this purpose ring at the bottom of plastic cup here on desk delivers me back to that.  Again, no covid.  All of us together.  Wine, people, the patio, Mayacamas view….  Quiet.