The same desk, table…..
Slept well last night, though waking this morning wanting the entire day to myself. No work, no calls or emails… nothing but a day at the beach house. Writing, starting a new book. Well, I can’t have any of the preceding so I have here. This desk, this neighborhood of which I grow more and more tired and just disinterested, divested. Stop thinking about it. 2021…
Heater comes on. Cold, not sure of the outside number. Guessing low 40s possibly upper 30s. Running around noon, and I don’t care what the temp reads. The other day on my run I saw 70, then 73 when I landed back here at the studio.
Last night watching a ghost show or ghost hunting show where the premise isn’t so much about the ghost as it is combatting fear, any timid feeling that keeps you from doing something. And I keep going over this word and deconstructing its reality and affects. Afraid of what, I say… but then I think it’s not always fear keeping us from something. It’s how we see what’s around us, and ourselves. The possibility of possibilities. Something. Anything.
This era of pandemic and staying in-house, people staying away from each other…. Distracted by someone here in this house. So I don’t know where I’m going with this, but fear or anything associated shouldn’t be entertained, thought, or even known. 2021, writing down aims and destinations, and there is no negotiating. In fact, I’m not writing them. They will happen and I know what each is.
Will force one more contract this week, at least.
But how. How do I force sales. About to hop onto work laptop, find what I can.
Had a thought but lost it. Kids on their zoom class meetings, me again not wanting to do much. Why. What’s with me this morning…. 2021 in thoughts, putting ideas and vision in certain knots. Run with that, I tell myself. In the chair, here in Coffey Park. Account Executive-ing. Everyday trying to do something different, write a new story with this “platform”. I hate that word. I hate this desk, though this week for some reason I find more about it useful and intriguing, entertaining. A book… this little corner desk, where I’ve been since March, when the covid cloud landed. The smallness of the surface teaches organization or just dealing with the mess about and around you. That’s what I was thinking, that’s the thought I lost…. Use this. All of this. This more than I need to reach 100% for the month, and to get to my office, have 2021 be everything I want it to, covid or no.
Should really be on other laptop. 9am, sharp. Maybe take five more minutes to self, and why not if it helps, right? If it informs this AE story, then fine. Jack already starting to act silly and do those voices which make me laugh and get me in trouble. I use his mood and voice, his play for my day.
Camera charger on desk right next to right hand as I type this… should take more pictures. Vineyard, kids, the tracks that acted as a border and barrier during the ’17 fires. Capture everything. AE = About EVERYTHING.