Everything to this second latte of day. 2 shots. Looking at Architecture firms all over the Bay Area, with normal intention just looking. What they produce, colors and angles, windows and walls.
Our next house, the house I grew up in on Bayview Drive in San Carlos. Dad told me he interviewed over 20 architects. Should have asked Dad what questions he asked in the interview process.
What am I looking for in this search for and excavation of architects? Maybe nothing, maybe I’m just exploring, on the Road with no priority to destination. That could be.
Daddy, it’s fine, Jackies says behind me just being silly. M3 arriving in 4 days. We will assuredly need a bigger house, I know that now and have for a while. And, I know it’s on me. I need something to amplify…. Get up earlier. 4am, on a Saturday. That HAS to produce something. Wake and write, create, note all thoughts.
Architecture. The edifice, supported, appearance, voice and tone. Essays and architecture, just making notes. No goal. Kids are already stirring in a certain curve of crazy. Jack asks me to come upstairs with him and read a book. I bring my laptop thinking I’m going to get something done. Funny. Yeah, that’ll happen. Jack asks aloud which book he should read, and with a sarcastic tone inference of interest. Emma soon arrives and tells us that she’s going to read a book too. I thank her, she thanks me back. I thank her for thanking me. She doesn’t get it.
Architecture fo the day, of my mood now, calm and careless. Not concerned, and in no way stressed or pressured. Whatever this attitude composition is, need be trapped, kept, deconstructed. The engineering behind it…. I just said oh well, and decided on smiling, writing, being with them. The Engineering is the deciding of things and movements. The Architecture is the before and after, I think. Still playing with the word and suggestion of Architecture.
Jack now shows off how he can burp on command. I try to be that strict or proper dad by telling him to stop. Rather, I laugh with little control. Then it’s quiet, just notices I was the only one making any sound. Wonder how long this’ll last.
Jack burps again, and laughs, adding “Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about SON.”
I laugh again, and the meditative air in the room runs away.
“Can we get a retriever?” Jack says.
“If you pay for it.” I say. I think he knows it’s a joke but there is no agreement with the joke, it didn’t land, so I follow with another saying “Better get that money, SON.”
No laughing, no appreciation of my joke, but rather a question. “Do you want a dog, Dada?” I don’t return with a solid answer, rather an evasive statement and common excuse of having to do something for work.
Emma says she bored, Jack brags that he isn’t. This aggravates Emma, saying “Stop iiiiiiiiiiit….” to Jack.
The architecture of the day and its scenic setup teaches me I don’t need to look. Ever. All my books are right here.