journal

8/3/20

Up and moving… awkwardly.

8:25 and everyone still asleep.  Me as well sleeping in later than normal.

Coffee machine for reason decided to work last night.  So I have a full tumbler, going into emails, and notes….

Quiet.  Want to be in a different pattern today.  But how.  How can I do that.  For starters, get away from this desk.

Everything today, for tomorrow.  Waking before 5, starting work and having however many words I can write before light and into the earlier hours of morning when the sun’s up but you can tell just as exhausted and weary as you are.

Bike at 11, at least an hour, then taking Melissa’s car in at 1-something.  Hoping I don’t miss the sales meeting.  Don’t think I will.

Jackie awake, sniffling as he does and moving around like a groggy ogre.  Morning about to get disrupted a bit.  Aims set, not written though.  Not writing day-aims, or even as much paragraph as I do here.

More notes.. more observations, more recording of what’s been done rather than what I need do.

Quiet morning.  Not many talking over company chat, or email.  That’ll change, I know.

 

9:11pm – Readying for day’s close.  Waking early solely to write.  Seeing that early wake should be only for writing.  Like Barleycorn.

Tiring of this street, of Santa Rosa, Sonoma County… want my babies to see more. Freed from this box.  Opening another bottle in a sec, the last of my Desmond bottles.  Wil have to order a set soon, to write..

Tired, and wanting bed.  Make coffee for morning.  The next Pinot, not sure I’m in the mood.  Wine still boring me.  No bottle instructing, or inspiring, telling me to write or think or see one way or another.

Opened the ’14 Pinot and a new voice… new echo and childlike play to its hold momentary.

She orders me to stop writing, just sip and study, be place, on the floor, thinking, thinking about her, and what I’m living in each glass tilt.

……..

8/4/20 – Telling myself today will be done differently.  No one awake yet, 7:38.  Typing on work computer which I don’t really like doing anymore, just don’t want to make any noise plugging in the other laptop.

Thought I hear one of the kids awake and walking around upstairs.  Went up to check and no, both still passed out and not moving a bit of bits.

Noting in head not on paper things to do.  Not putting them here in this entry either.  One thing though, I will NOT be trapped at this corner desk all day.  Will be on couch.  Use this table as just that. TABLE.  An end-table.

Covid….  Don’t want to use an excuse for anything, but it forces me to.  Work through and out of it, I tell self.  Order books for semester, send first email to students… start that ball in its promising role.  Record videos for students…. Do more sharing of notes.  This semester I’ll be more a student than even last semester.  In fact, I really should be taking notes right now for term and the day and how I’m planning on approaching the day, prospective clients, quota, everything.

Talking to self, on paper…. Way to crack this wall keeping me from whatever, be it finished writings, or some result for the day…..  I’m going to get closer to conversion, today.  Will bring one of my prospects to inking an contract, TODAY.  And, generate my own leads.  Call businesses and be more startup-like…. Just call and say hey, not even HI.

7:52am…..  Decided books for semester.  Also deciding I’m running today, not on the bike like yesterday though that was a nice workout.  Route will be different, thinking of looping many of these small streets and little cul-de-sacs.

Already sent flight plan for day….  Know where I’m calling first.  Shit, have some reports to do… will do toward EOD.

Another fly in the office… buzzing like an idiot between the blinds and window, going no where.  Annoyed but I feel bad for the chap.  Won’t interfere, Virginia W. taught me with her dealings with and writing on the moth.  A former student actually had that moth or something inspired by the writing tattooed all up and down the upper part of her leg, covering her thigh if I’m not mistaken.

8:01, and the taxiing out for takeoff.  Will take out business cards, look through them a bit.  Call on construction companies in Marin, all the way down to Sausalito.

Still no one awake.  That’ll change in a bit.  Hear someone.  I have to wake earlier, get further ahead in day before it even starts its engines and first sign of a wheel roll toward tarmac.  This is something I’m not even struggling with just don’t let myself do….  Bed too late.  Primary reason.  Go to bed when kids do, no exceptions.  If I do that, I wake at the godly hour of 4am, or just after that.  I have an increased heart rapidity just thinking of what I could get done at that hour, what it’d feel like… starting a startup based on waking bizarrely early and creating at that hour… what’s the quote?  3am, it’s 3am…. The hour for writers, poets, musicians, overthinkers… think it goes something like that.

Jack is up, he asks me if it’s late and I just give him the time.  He heads to the kitchen to make his lunch.  I nearly done with my coffee reason to get a latte when heading back home from taking him to camp.  Work from couch.

 

10:46 Call at 11 with IT person.  Back from a SBUX run, needed a latte this morning.  Not on couch yet.  One lead so far, focusing on realtors today.  New form of networking, that’s not at all networking.  I hate that word, honestly.  Conversations.. that’s it.

No vertical focus, I’m deciding.  Why.  Why be the person for one thing.  What if you’re too curious and hungry to do that.  Or, plainly, what if I don’t want to have a vertical.

Starting new site today, or tonight… all around prospecting new business.  Calling, emailing, events, everything.

Lots to do today.  Love.  What keeps me alive and I guess you could say SANE.