About Everything

11:32

Busy morning.  Missed call with IT partner but rescheduled.  Not running at lunch.  Rather, actually having lunch.  Will do bike later.

Submitting some writing before 5pm hopefully.  Also, going to play with a project.  A novel… third-person or first.  Bored of first.  Then that was easy… third.

What does the character do.  Writing about a writer is boring, anymore…. A winemaker.  Having trouble getting his label recognized, making budget or staying in black.

Already noon, nearly.  How’d that happen?

Going to get lunch in a bit.  Going across town.  Su Casa… since this all started we’ve been hitting up that place much more than before.

Contract hopefully landing soon.  Sent it out to be signed.  How to duplicate it all.. the trick, the key, the myriad manuscript solver.

Jack this morning asking me when sunscreen was invented.  Had to alugh, but envy his curiosity as well.

3:19

Time in the day where everything slows.  Happened a little later today.  Lately it’s been starting around 2:30-something.

Putting off editing something for someone.  Rather, playing downstairs with daughter.  She sings songs and has imagined dialogue some toys, then whomever.

Now I just think…. Let thoughts go wherever they want, from this home office/desk/quarantine corner/seat, whatever it is.  I can’t think of a word, or any words right now.

Made another cup, coffee… looking forward to a Desmond Pinot, or Chardonnay, or both (?), later.

Emma comes in here, drinking one of my sparkling waters, wants to know what I’m doing. Demands I tell her.  She looks out the window, I laugh a little from her cuteness and ask what she’s doing.

“Nothing, why?  You need a know what I’m doing?” Then she launches into one of her make-believe interactions.  She makes anything, anywhere, whatever she wants.  There is no stress, there is not deliberation or meditation, no measure.  She just actualizes.  Immediate and essential root of the DIY mode and intention.

Older, or not.  I’m starting to think from this whole covid and quarantine conceptual scape that time is just and idea.  And you don’t have to buy in, if you don’t want to.

Organizing hours for tomorrow…. Sonic— Well, first leads group at 7am.  Then Sonic, then writing and blogging, work for Bottledaux and some Web Design (which I’ll start tonight), then the rest of life’s reel.

Hard organizing time, with my writer’s personality and passion.  Staying busy, like this morning.

No, more than just busy.  PURPOSED.

Desk a mess, so I just start taking shit off it.  Tired of this desk, everything on it.  Why don’t I go work on the couch.  Be more startup-minded and behavior’d.

Guess I should get back into official work mode.  See if the contract has come in yet.  Don’t think it has, but in any event re-adorn in assigned role.  Or, the role I chose.  AE… about EVERYTHING.

About Everything.  Kids, running, writing, starting your own business, family, kids, health, mental health… the ‘bottle’ of Bottledaux is the symbol of everything that leads to what’s in the bottle.  Not wine, but the collective experience and mentality of your day, the sequence of days and each individual composition that brought you here.

5:14, EOD submitted.  Time for a beer.  Took some notes on being an AE.I go in and out of this idea, writing a book on AE life, or sales, work and ‘doing what you love’ but it usually doesn’t stick for too long.  Think it might now, after yesterday and today and the meeting I had earlier with Ditter and the riser management company.

Melissa and Emma gone to get Jackie.  Quiet in the house.  Still a bit full form lunch.  More calm than calm, actual definition or implied.…. The idea of Bottledaux having an office in Marin County, San Rafael.  Where would the business be best-placed.  Marin certainly more than Healdsburg where I initially fantasized.  Want to be close to SF, and Berkeley, other parts of the East Bay.

“Books are after the fact.” I wrote the other day.  That is, do something worth writing, worthy of a page collection.  Journals along the way are fine, they’re great, needed actually.  But a book should not be the focus, your STORY the one you live ought be.

Covid days… still teaching me.  Frankly, I don’t care when covid ends.  Of course I want the sickness and pain, and death, to stop.  But the conditions otherwise, this isolation and the staying at this desk as much as I at time grieve over such, a gift.  An opportunity.  At the beginning of all this I wrote over and over, INCUBATION.  Returning to that word, that idea, that frame.  Me here to be more ME.

When both kids are in the house, it’s near impossible to write like this.  Have a sitting like this.  No, it is impossible.  Unless they’re outside.  They’ve taught me a lot during this whole thing. To just delight in the day and manipulate the moment to suit your story and manuscript.  Both kids are tangible jumps of everything I’d rather be… notably, FREE.  Not that I’m not now, just…..  I don’t know.  More child-like, less worry.

Was so stressed about that meeting today, and why.  For nothing.  It went more than well.  Mostly because of my Sales Engineer, who later told me after thanking him for making it so painless, “Making shit happen all day bro!” That mind, that way, that language…. Trapped and further actuated.

Starting a business, providing jobs for people.  All stemming from and helix of happiness.  Thinking about the reality, obvious yes but not enough acknowledged… we are here once, and who knows for how long.  Keep moving, study your own steps… stay starved, I remind myself.  Don’t be complacent, comfortable, and now that I think about it DON’T BE COMPOSED.  Be normality’s antithesis.  5:34pm already, where is the day, one could say.  It’s right here, I respond.  You have over six hours left, if you want to use all.

But I have kids.

Use them.  They are material.  They are instructors.  They are elevators individual and collective.

7/29/20