1/7/20

Test

Testing self today with how much I can get done.  Planning to leave in a bit for my coLAB office.  Moving stuff out of 2260 Apollo Way.  Here I go, I say to myself.  Prospect harder.  Be realistic.  Find businesses that are new, that not only need service but have a dimension with which you identify.

Settling into the morning, still feeling a bit sick, or maybe just stuffed up, stuffy… get out of the office, I say to self, but I can’t go far with an appointment at 11.  Can’t think… can’t think of anything.  Just keep moving, I tell myself again and again……

Get out of the office.

Not yet.

Settle into day a little more.  You’re still sick, technically, so don’t move too fast.  Where am I going to put all this stuff… papers and paperwork, files and business cards. Not enough room in house.   Feeling cold symptoms, and not liking what I’m writing.  Not one bit.  And…. I keep doing it.  Why.  How do I change the morning’s beat and general shape.

This certainly is a test.  Self and sight, conviction, do I really want what I say I do and if so how badly.

FORGETTING EVERYTHING I WROTE ABOVE.

Re-starting.  Starting a business, entails all this.  Days you don’t feel the best, mornings where you feel a bit panicked about attracting new clients and starting new conversations.  Just making calls, sending emails.  All I’m going to do, today.  As with any day.  So do it differently, I tell myself.

Funny how much clutter, shit, I’ve gathered in the six months at this desk, and the incubator right next to me.  Rolling cabinet empty.  Throw away as much as I can.  Minimalism, and even a step past.  The more you have, the slower you move.

Woke up late again this morning but left home with impressive inertia.  No distractions, no Starbucks.  Just moved out the door after I finally found my fucking keys.

Building business…  Like Kerouac’s Sal, with Dean, zooming to one part of the country and then to the other. I of course now speak from literature, where I’m from, and remember I have to call someone to set up a meeting.  Need to make these meetings work more.  What does that mean, just translate to sales?  Not necessarily, but contribute to my story.  The writer in the tech office, professor, writer…  Reading as I go and completely taken with the idea of a page.  What the page can do.  What it WILL do.  What it’s doing, what my pages have done.

In today’s test, or lab, exam, midterm or final or whatever in seeing how much I can get done, I seek to redefine business and the operations of a business.  More utilization of what’s not directly connected to this office, what my role entails, how it’s described.  But still, very much adept and kept in the AE form and narrative.  The story of an AE.  Not as stoic and clinical as it might sound.  Today’s test is gifting me much more than I hoped for, or forecasted.  And now that I think more closely and intimately, anatomically at the canvas, this is not test.  But a Road, a sequence of songs, a storm of joy.  All written, and narrated in everything I do.  Everything we do, in whatever we do.