excerpt

…frankly, I don’t know, but I do know that I feel I have to stay in the fight for the students, and not let them, the ‘Them’ (deans, chairs, presidents, useless trustee members and all), rob me of my love of teaching.  Coming to campus, especially days like today where I can truly move at my own beat and don’t have to teach, still gives me the charge, that thrill that I felt when I taught my first class ten years ago.  Can’t believe it’s been that long but it has, and I’m still an adjunct.  Have I tried hard enough to be a full-timer?  Have I been doing well all these years as an adjunct?  I guess I have, to some extent.  SRJC still keeps me around and I had the best “review” or “observation” of my career last semester.  And, Mendocino and Solano still let me have classes though last semester was my final term for each commute (just too much of a drive, and I think they just let me teach those classes to fill a fucking square, they don’t appreciate me the way SRJC has shown to, but more on that later).  I just can’t do that anymore, those drives, time away from my family and now that I have a newborn little girl I need to do this assessment, this manuscript length measurement of self.  And for what,  I don’t know, I never do when I start something…