Ox Notes

IMG_8301Home after the WCW event, and all I think about is wine and having my label, one day pouring under one of those tents, seeing people react to my pourings.  Dad and I took pictures over pictures.  I say aloud “what the fuck” and Alice asks “what?”  As I’m using her computer… she probably worries my bad luck with my laptop has come to her new school-bought device.  And I don’t blame her.  Need another glass of that Cartograph Pinot I opened toward the end of Mom and Dad’s visit.  So much to think about, about the startup and tomorrow at the winery, and the adjunct gig (those horrible drives from Mendo back home)–  I can only ask what have I been doing as an adjunct, and why did I ever agree to do something like that?

And then I have that idea.. to say fuck it all, all the content I’m donating or producing for clients at a fee which only advantages them.  What if I only produced and wrote for self?  Had deadlines for Self and for the startup?  This may be the Pinot talking, either that Cirq or the Cartograph—not sure but there’s a message in there and in here somewhere with this writer–  I hate this laptop, thankful to my wife for lending it to me, but I hate it, the buttons and the unfamiliar functions and what it does without my call and calling me to type a certain way and look in a certain direction at a certain function.  But I’m certainly using it as I have no other choice.  MY mood sinks thinking about what I might have to do with MY laptop.  Definitely need another glass of the Pinot in a sec, but I look at the pictures from the day to elevate my mood and disposition toward everything.  MY fingers don’t feel right over this keyboard.  I need to stop typing soon.  What am I doing in this chair writing about what I am which is nothing.. nothing but a writer, one with wine and on the freeway bailing out community colleges in a bind, helping them, filling a bloody square.

The people that I say at the tables, at the bars at today’s event, from everywhere, wanting to tasteIMG_8299 wine and know more about wine, my friend Chris the somm’ talking to people about certain wines’ characteristics and the food pairing potential of each.  And some many just walking around, untainted by the drama of the industry.  I loved it, still do, want to one day have my own booth like my friend Ed, pouring his Pinot, talking about his productions and how he does what he does and the ‘why’, the ‘why’ is what really makes the story, as some winemakers will tell you something like “I started making wine ‘cause I didn’t want to work in an office for the rest of my life.” Can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard something like that, or something leaning toward that forcing readers/sippers to learn from their days, their story and struggle.  MY label will be built upon words, the words tht come to a sippers senses when sipping what I put into bottle.  And finally, time for that last glass of Pinot, the one that will send me to dreams of my own label and table.  With little Kerouac greeting people as they approach.

***

The next morning I wake to a list of article or standalone to-do’s.  I dive headfirst into the coffee while Jackie plays with his trucks and toys.  I’ll be at the winery in a matter of hours.  Actually less than two in fact and with an interested attitude that I haven’t before had.  More content and material and information in the wines and the story of Arista and those beautiful ground, the ones you catch yourself just staring at.  I need new equipment, a new laptop to be more specific.  MY reasoning:  even if they fix it, after taking everything off the harddrive, I need a quick and reliable ‘top for everything I do, from mmc to teaching to the pieces for ‘Mike Madigan, Author’.  Which I need pay more mind.  Pretty sure we get out early today, I just remembered, for wedding or some event.  In that case, I’ll come straight home, station myself in the study and work, write my way down the list.  That’s what any hardworking disciplined writer does.  And I feel I’ve lost a bit of that lately from driving, the adjunct thing, which is set to DIE at the end of this term..  Going to take on as many clients as I can gather, form a bridge into the next term.. it may be painful for a bit, even a couple months (scary busy), but I’ll survive, and I’ll thanks myself for it, I know.  ALSO, go through yesterday’s images (for startup).  This is the time in my writing and creative life, THE time, where I need to throw myself into everything like I never had.  And yesterday was a new kind of Day 1…..

IMG_8297Giving myself 10 more minutes of paginated collection, all the stories from being part of yesterday still swirling in my head like little toddlers on sugar, and I have to calm them all down, somehow.  I’m again nearly sure we’re getting out early today so I’ll come straight home, start more coffee and write my way down the list.  No bag brought to Arista today, only a pen, little notebook.  And that’s it.  Build build for this new project.  Typing slower than I usually do as I don’t particularly care for the feel of this laptop.  Why do I always have to depend on tech?  This is by far the bloodiest battle, yet.  And everyone keeps asking me, “Did you back up?  DID YOU BACK UP?!!!?” Why do you  think it’s so dire and my attitude is so strained?  Of course not!  I’ve learned my lesson, okay?  But I meditate with the jazz on the Hutcherson station.  More novels and content of my own not for anyone else and that’s the root of my dilemma with this business of mine.. I’m writing other people—But not with the startup.. that’s all me all wine and all shared.  What wine should be.  Just something positive and shares and discussed civilly.  My own booth, my own wine at the end of this journey.. a family business, all of us in it together.. love the image and sotry of me and my family being part of THAT story—the family owned winery stage and consistency.  Wine wine wine on my brain and mind and scope, my personality is shaped by it always and impacts everything I do.  If I WERE to continue down the adjunct path (not that I want to, but if I did have that interest and was so career-lazy to do so), that would be entirely selfish and ignorant.  That is not a career, and to put your faith in the field of education is financial suicide, especially as an adjunct–  OH!  Just thought of a name for one of my wines, associated with this adjunct/education topic…  Thinking thinking thinking —  And that’s all I can do right now and see things, “things” being my tasting room and my booth at the SWCW, next year maybe, blend some juices together, or help out my friend Blair–

Time’s up on phone.  Time for the writer to get ready and drive out to RRV, take pictures and notes and note everything in my head about this wine startup.  And write your way down that list!  Finish it all today!

(9/6/15)