from today’s 3page effort sofar —

…in Mendocino.. funny) — Jackie throws some fit, mybe strategic or just a product of him being 2.  Not sure, but I was interrupted anyway.  Now he’s fine, I’m fine when he interrupts me– ugh, I loathe my words this morning.  This day’s early hourset seems to want to keep me in place, block my expression and make sure my ebb stays buried.  But I fight, even though non-ire’d clash is my principle ideology of late, that of the Beat, a stemming from my studies.

And today, another at the winery.  I’ll make notes every hour– no every half, not stopping with my scribbles even when it’s busy, they want me focused on sales and making ‘the company’ look good, which I am too, frankly, but not at the expense of freethought, my dreams, the image.  Coffee cup 1 dead nearly.  Vignettes, thinking of vignettes, and micro fiction like yesterday.  Does each piece have to be a separate topic and story or can it be sequenced?  Outside the box, like I used to preach to students in ’06, ’07, ’08 too I think — And on the teaching note, haven’t heard from my sister’s bigshot wine business SSU friend.  And I’m not surprised.  You can’t depend on these people, in wine’s “business” or temple or zone, more like a vocational maelstrom.  Ever.  They never get back to you, and if they do by the time you call them back or plan a meeting they’ve taken a position somewhere else.  They’re fickle, scattered, childish, and superficially animated in their wine knowledge and communicative/social navigation.  I’m sticking with wine’s element as I need it — The magazine, whoso, given more of a wine focus, and I’m having it printed by 1/1/15.. no fail.  And my ‘QS’ novel, done by the time next term starts, so I have something to show for myself, more than just this goddamn blog I keep and the teaching itself — Novelist.  What I am.  Clock says 7:33 but I won’t be pressured as I always am.  Actually, I might go in a bit late today.  Thinking about it.  Yes, knowing me I won’t but it’s something that’s on my perceptive plate.  In the loft today: vignette, journal entry, and a little to this 3page project.  Again, just thinking.. no more plans as I never follow them.  Moment molding; I’ll mold the moment as it forms before my pen, then put into paragraphs — Of course, I’m addressing or honoring the same principles as “spontaneous prose”.  I just want to have my own sovereign tag, punctuating my Creative individualism and form.

Stomach still a bit circular from last night’s icecream and the overall diet of the 4th.  Today, starvation.. feed from that feeling and have it push you forward, the intrinsic propeller in my character.  Magazine, novel, publishing company —   …I’m pushed now this morning to do everything that I’m thought of not, and told I can’t.  7:40, should finish coffee, put this device in bag after a couple more minutes of charge then go– cup of black from Market, write on estate in overflow lot.  Not sure that’s what the story wants, and I don’t care.  It’s what I order.