5/7/14 excerpt

I’ll spend the summer editing this book, writing scattered standalones, poems, and whatever else.. the next book will be incredibly cubist, postmodern, but still a novel, somehow. I don’t want to plan, I want to play, like little Kerouac; I want my novels to be inner jam sessions, jazz; New Orleans, New York, San Francisco… Think I may be closing on 3,000 words for day. But my language, I feel standstill-y, hardly electric. Just have to do homework, that’s it.. find words, and the more obscure the more delicious. My honesty commits it: I’m one addicted to words, language, how they look on a page. note: Dan at work the other day told us of how he drove cross-country, ran out of gas, and equally money, and worked a couple days washing dishes at a diner to pay for gas. He’s done it, been on the Road; hurt, had to struggle, seen things. 9:56, and my second glass, dead. Good. Wanted to stop with sips before 10. Tomorrow I need to be awake and writing at 5, or even before, I don’t care. And if I wake at some capricious hour, then I’ll burrow mySelf into these buttons. Yes, I’ll be tired in that Room [meant to capitalize it], but that’s when the sips don’t affect me, and I usually sell more, and pocket more grats (tips). Need to pour Self a glass of water, dilute this super Tuscan, so I’ll be more conditioned for my Hemingway-hour summons. One dollar bills, left, change or what I didn’t spend on store visit for coffee. Already eager for a cup. Students on mind, especially MR, with her exploration or seeking of “It” in her paper. She knows It, knows that It is significant, but not sure why; it’s a feeling, she said, but she can’t put it into words, so far. And we workshop rough drafts in a week. Will it be damaging if she doesn’t have it defined or clearly understood? No. Just like me with Freedom. I’m better armed at term’s end to capture Autonomy, and maybe she’ll be further strengthened and adamant to outline It, and appreciate, perhaps use It, and direct it when and where needed. This all belongs to me, all of it, I realized today. The whole semester, and every student, everything they’ve said, suggested, ideas they’ve sorted and scribbled.