9:41PM. Sipping some of my cuvée. Momentously more savory than my last visit. Was inclined to post to teaching blog, but I’d rather enjoy the freedom of type such as this. Rain outside. I hear it on the concrete just past the front door, and galloping down the gutter. Tomorrow, in that other mode– that industry pose. Order, orders. But you know, there’s no fear about me. Not that there ever was, but now there’s a certain cementing of certainly about my ability, my unique acuity. I know what I am, and I won’t be stringed; puppeteering isn’t an option for anyone around me. I walk with the eagle’s ease.
I started thinking this the other day, how so many are afraid of losing their job, and what would happen if they did. This must be one of my successes in Life, as I don’t feel that. Not even a muffled glimmer of such.
Computer moving slow. Frustrating me to the point of wanting to toss it out into the rain. but that would be a compliment, allowing it to enjoy these drops.. an undeserved reward.
This week, 8 of 18, for the semester. Next week, I start printing what I’ve written in this term’s novel.. Hard to say how the story ends, precisely. And that’s because the story itself hasn’t yet told me. I, nothing more than a character.. I need direction from this story. I know how I’d like it to end, but I have to see if we, the story and I, agree. I has a similar discussion this morning with the ‘5’ class, concerning Ms. Plath, The Bell Jar, and how she ended her Life; one of the students said that it was the only logical ending to her story.. or the necessary ending, which I thought was fascinating, of course, as I’m writing this novel, hoping my own story, this semester’s novel, will end as I wish.
Need another sip from the ’12 NDC [New Dad Cuvée, case you forgot].
The rain seems to be more vocal at the moment. Need to run tomorrow, after work. didn’t today, as my lower back, and knee, bother the writer a bit, still.
But I need to keep writing, keep running. Finish this bloody novel. And my character, the other character, C——, still developing, but with foundation, direction. She, wanting change. And me, just as well. I’m listening to this rain, and just wondering, becoming emboldened, more fearless than I’ve ever been. Poe mode, again, like last semester. (3/5/14)