2/11/14–  And my mood, still quite foul.  Reminded again today why wine’s world isn’t for someone like me.  But I’m about to open a bottle of this Merlot, the one I made.  I know, some winemaker quite near would recite a whole chemistry textbook chapter’s worth on why it’s not what a Merlot should be.  But I’m a writer.  And his kind quite bore me, frankly.  I’m drinking anyway.

Tomorrow, I’m bringing to fruition everything I plot: write for at least 2 hours at spot downtown.. no more 4th & D.  And that’s all I have on personal docket.  I want to finish a book, and tomorrow will be quite the step to succeeding with such.  This time, 8:19PM.  Not sure how to approach my night.  Should be asleep soon, if I can.  Maybe a small pasta plate, then a glass of my Merlot.  Have to write how everything’s to proceed…  Watch that Plath doc again.  And maybe bits of the Hemingway piece, too.  Not all the students have posted to blog, for their 500-word assignment.  So what I’ll do, is give an extension, since this is the first mandatory blog post/response.  I want to be fair, but taken seriously.  A fine line for a professor to walk, obviously I now find.

 

9:04PM.  With all this new traction to maddenedread, I’m noticing my focus should intensify to that draw, this semester.. for this new story.  My students, especially the 5-ers.. showing quite ferociously.  And I can’t get enough of it.  Bringing some of Plath’s journal entries in, tomorrow.  Sipping the night’s cap, thinking of some Poe to introduce tomorrow, addressing the views of Death.  But I haven’t decided yet.  Hmm…  Love moments like this, where I can actually collect Self, which is precisely what the writer needs to do after another patterned, mundane, stale, bland, flabby day like this.  I don’t want my son’s father to be one of those.. “So what do you want for little Kerouac, then?” I want one free.. a Creative, educating, Self-respecting leader as a father.  And I’m nearly there…

This peace down here, on this couch, solitude, still.. in love.  But I need to put Self into character for lecture, which launches in 10hrs, 14 mins.  I should be asleep.  Responsible, real, DISCIPLINED writers don’t profess this shape of pattern.