…..

Emma down here working beside me.  Again the gratitude makes it hard to focus.  All I can do is look at my little girl, and say to myself, “Seriously?  I have a daughter this fucking amazing?  And her brothers too?”

Happiness.  Seriously, fucking imagine that.  That I deserve love, peace in the morning, no arguments in the fucking kitchen, no contention, that I have someone who loves me for me and never critiques my ambitions or curiosities.

I’m on an unseen high this morning with my babies, and after the Nurse left.  And, the curiosities I cited, new interests – cars, architecture which isn’t new but now seeing it differently and jotting business ideas connected….  This house as a project.  Waking earlier like I did this morning with her.

EVERYTHING is possibility.  I ask Emma what music she wants she shrugs her should and says ‘I don’t know’ in that muffled and hummed way.  I smile and say, “How about some jazz Mama?”

“Yeah that’s fine,” she says.

The love I feel for this room and condo, this moment, Windsor, this new sales story and how I’m approaching it after the meeting yesterday…. The ideas I scribbled in the sales journal…

“It’s a conversation.  It’s passion.  Don’t work for the company OR yourself.  Don’t work at all.  Play… have fun, explore, keep learning.  Be tireless in your creative ways.  Find new points of introspection and meditation.  This is a lifelong Road, not something for immediate satisfaction. Embrace and delight in the duration of the Road.  It’s yours… all yours.  Celebrate the Newness of you, all days.”