9-14-24

09:43 @ the poz loft

Back from taking Henry to Saturday appointment.  Gratitude in ways I cannot count or describe this morning.  Starting with time with the Nurse of course, then little Henry last night and his birthday party and how excited he was to have us all here, toys and dinner and birthday cupcakes the Nurse picked for him.

Not sure where to start but forcing self to be a bit Stoic.  Not angry or emotionless, but studying what I feel.  This immense and intense, condensed thankful throw I’m in.

Sipping latte in quiet of kitchen, different seat than usual but thinking this may be my spot from now on…. Henry’s sand truck or construction toy to left, reminding me he’s four.  4.  No matter how I put it on page I’m in disbelief.

I’m happy.  HAPPINESS, imagine that (like the category on this blog but now thinking that may be the book title…)

Why think about these people that want to share their misery with me or just fucking impose it, communicate in everything they message me over text or through some ridiculous app.  I need to start studying that too, not just them and how these worms are, but my reaction.

I know, don’t react.  Nurse tells me this all the time and I only fractionally listen.  I’ll get better with that, I have to.

What do I want from the day…?  First, clean the inside of the Rav.  Then, post as much fucking content as I can… anything.  And all anchored in HAPPINESS.  Mental Health and gratitude, control of attitude, and just laughing some things away.