Needed. As are the cheater glasses. Need to wear them. Don’t want to, having an urge to resist but I can’t, I’m tired and put them on. And you know what, I’m not fighting anything tonight. I’m enjoying my beer, some wine after this, then maybe a show or part of a movie.
I deserve it. YES, I do.
Some friend texting me, I respond with brief lines. No interest in talking to anyone, barely myself. But that’s what this entry is for. Realizing I came home to a beautiful condo just off the Green, have now over two hours to myself if I want. And yes, I will. Thank you.
Thanking myself, and Kerri for her words and teaching. San Francisco for the wee collision, the building where I work, the restaurant I had that amazing salad for my late but quick lunch.
There’s too much for which to be thankful and celebrate to let that bump affect me. Sip…
Bringing this laptop tomorrow, as will I the RECORD journal. Write at the Starbucks a couple blocks down. Study the city, its sounds and lights, the cars, my building and others. There’s too much there. Success, sadness, rush, cowers holding hands now that they’re away from he office…. Gifts for me as a writer.
I drove away from SF thinking things like, “I’m over it…. Fucking humans…. What am I doing here?” Now now, not with this time to meditate, collect, words and I concert. Moving head to this track, smiling, more than gratitude. COMPOSITION.
Tomorrow will be the biggest advance for me so far, and not sure what shape it’ll take. I just know it’s going to materialize because I will write it into tangibility.
Fascinating how things happen, how you find yourself somewhere, in a certain go and layer in the frame, story collective. I’m listening to this track and seeing time just past, the numbers rise. Stop thinking about it, focus on the moment.. no more of this obsessiveness. Like when in these trainings throughout he laptop screen my concentration being cut thinking about what I could be doing, or what I have to do after.
Pollutants, such synaptic snaps. Quitting. Only reading the page in from of me – that magic of the meta I’d repeat to student. Feeling like a student right now, and all week, last week when I started this new sales story. My trainer and I sharing many of the same ideas, have like-personalities and speeches. This is IT, the IT to my Road.
I don’t want to keep repeating ‘gratitude’ or grateful or thankful, or even humbled. The redundancy is starting to annoy me. So, I leave all the words out. I’m in love with the Now… newly coded from all negative noted being eroded.
While upstairs watching the news and having my Mikey-quesadilla, I thought about not writing. But made myself come down here. Now, THANKFUL to SELF. I need to write that, hear myself say it, think it, feel it, KNOW it.