Who knows what day in this covid shit we’re in.

Funnel is dry, should have woken earlier, a mood consumes me.  Just call people, I remind myself pulling up from getting a latte.  Could’ve made something with the espresso machine but wanted a drive, to get out of the goddamn house.  Yesterday only left to go to Safeway to get condiments – literally all three, mustard and mayo and ketchup – and Drano.  That’s it.  No fun trip to Bottle Barn or even Oliver’s to get some gourmet-type bites.  Just Safeway.

Re-arranging the office today, bringing in that bigger desk in the garage that we moved out for who knows what reason.  Finally, I say to myself.  An actual fucking work area.  Sorry, I’m rattling this morning, coiled and just want to bite someone or something.  Need to switch up everything.  Calling and emailing… get on phone more.  8:57am, can wait for a little, but I’m getting on that goddamn phone.  All calls, like I said.

Kids come downstairs.  Want cereal.  Pour them some then back to desk.  What now.  Make calls, or take a couple seconds, decide where I want to start.  Yeah, that.  How about Berkeley.  Not happy with this covid world, still keeping us in place, and telling us what to do—

I take myself away from all this, and place thoughts on a plane, traveling somewhere.  To write.  About wine, in Austria.  Don’t know much about Austrian wines, but I figure I’ll learn as I go.  The flight attendant pours me something white, I don’t ask what it is just sip and look down at the Atlantic.  I’m traveling, I’m here, I’m here to write.  I sip it slow and don’t allow myself to write immediately.  I want to understand what I’m doing, why I’m here and what there is to do once landed.

My mind flies away in this story where I fly away to write about wine and castles, countryside, but is that really what I’m after…?  Maybe I don’t know.  Maybe I’m still searching, like a high school kid about to go to college and having no idea in what to major.  That’s exciting though, right?

Garbage man arrives, truck making all is cold and somehow warm and comforting baritone noises, mechanized and more or less precise.  Lucky guy, I say to myself.  That’s all he has to do.  The trash.  That’s a weird perspective maybe, but what now goes through the head.  And no I don’t want to be a trashman.  Huh, didn’t know that was one word.

What now…. Have a call in 12 minutes.  Take a couple minutes to yourself.  Stop… STOP.  Go for a run later, definitely.  Think about the next scene… what you want to see in it.

5 minutes till call, and I think of something.  Not sure it’ll work, but…..  For prospecting.  One thing, one field, one type of office.  Take a break after call then start this new project… email vendor-partner. This might work.  Have to try anything and EVERYTHING in this covid zone.

1/12/21