Not talking about any one person, although that can be the matter, but rather addressing mind, vision and view, what you accept and let in. You can free yourself from that with a certain—and I know this sounds cliché—“rock star” attitude. Just doing whatever the fuck you want. And apologies for the vulgar injection here, I am trying to work on that you should know. Where I am, mind-wise, right now in the chair about to start my work day and not liking certain folds and forward of my own sight and cognition lately.
Jack awake, eating cereal and watching a show. Everyone else still in bed. Cabernet last night from BV. Haven’t had much of their wine. Was under $20 at Oliver’s I saw walking around the wine isle while sandwiches were being made. So I bought it. Glad I did. Something different, something enigmatic, something Napa in the house, for notes and writing, for this morning even remembering it… now wanting to research and look into the winery a bit.
How do I wake earlier. Well, for start go to bed earlier. Right? Well, yes, in a word. Writing out the day before it happens. When kids get ready for bed, I do. Teeth brushing, do with them. Run today… well, probably shouldn’t with the air as it is. I’ll do the bike, for an hour. Then go to weights. I’m going to do everything I want, today. And any mental blocks or obstructions that are successful are ones that I allow, I’m telling self.
7:51 – Flight sent to Director, about 20 minutes ago, or so. Just read a reaction from a student which is more complaining about the reading that reacting to it or finding something in it. Hoping this is my last semester. And I’m going to stop hoping, I’m going to MAKE it my last. With the attitude I mention above. I’m not doing it anymore, that simple. I don’t want to, and I don’t have to. It’s that simple as I’m seeing such, this morning.
I feel free in this chair, in my writing, in my AE story before it even leaves ground today. Looking outside, it still looks as though it’s night. Thought about driving to Starbucks for a latte but after yesterday’s line and this morning with my meditations in freedom and free thought, freewriting…. I’m not sitting in my car like a barnacle again for another 20-plus minutes just waiting for a latte. May not ever again, honestly.
Need another cup. 8:01… where am I starting? Berkeley, then working way up. Targeting those “essential businesses”… construction of course, dental offices, doctors, lawyers, insurance, real estate, then maybe later playing with other business types like interior design, architecture, graphic design. Aim for today is three appointments. That’s it.
8:10 – Still basically dark outside, sky with suggestive red expression. Never seen anything like it, honestly. Day starts slow, and so do I. Enjoying my writing and morning, waiting for daughter to wake up. May have to wake her…. I hear her. She’s up. Have first business on radar. Will call a bit after nine.
Found another business. Architecture firm, in SF. A picture of their office sends me into day dreams, though it doesn’t feel like day, of my office.. its layout. Drawing floorplans, even though I don’t know how. Desks over here, to the right, by the window, no cubicles…. Two meeting rooms, one more formal and the other for creative brainstorming, notes, ink and paper.