morning writingz

6/13/20 – Day 15

Day starts with Emma tightly tying some slimy rubber sticker or stickie hand around one of her wrists.  What did you do, Emma?  I keep asking her.  I DON’T KNOW….. her only answer.  Eventually I remove it and Jackie comes down and they sit to watch some Saturday kids show.  What do I want from today, Saturday, I ask myself and reason I need a short run.  Not too far, possibly only 4 miles as I still feel the cycling from yesterday, lower back and legs.

The AE Project, in it being about everything there need be an accepted practice of deemphasis of meditation and measurement.  This sitting is significant, the first days of a project and all its stretch to whatever aim you’ve written for self.  Everything around you counts—  Hate when people say that, the idea isn’t to count or be numerical, but encompassing…. Ideological, a new practice, push ailment to the side with your own production.  Everything around you contributes to the project.  To your book.

It’s like writing about writing.  The magic of that meta cannot be overlooked or diminished in significance.  Yesterday getting news over text that a new friend of mine, former president of my leads group, died.  More than unexpected.  Someone noted they heard it may have been a heart attack.  He couldn’t have been much over 30.  And here I am, 41, with kids…. So many thoughts traverse and traipse through your head when something like this happens.  For me anyway.  Returning to recent jots on freedom and taking everything as part of your story… to not think so much or at all ‘cause who knows how much time left you actually have.  

Distracted in this former quarantine corner office.  The kids, my books, the blog, what I want done…. How I slept in today and that cost at least 3 hours of productive life.  There I happened again, looking at my phone and messages and events happening.

How to make today not just different, not just an added ingredient in this story, but something else…. Something I’ve never tried before.  Remembering Sedaris’ urgency of people.  Follow the people to stories, more story for yourself.  Right now of course that brings me to the kids, both Jack and Emma and how they say nothing to each other while watching a show.  Think one of them just said something, but now quiet.  Quiet is precious, quiet is gold, quiet in any house of a parent, parents, is production life.  Whatever you want to do… business, writing, blogging, photog (which I may be doing more of, shortly, especially if they have me at the winery this weekend ((first weekend open), or whenever I get back out there.  Need to be… it’s like that thing around Emma’s wrist around my entirety, wanting to be in the tasting room pouring wine and talking about it, walking around property taking pictures, shooting videos, and writing but not covid still maintains its grip and knot.

Weekends have new feel and definition.  Both of them are home, I can’t hide in my work as I can during the week.  And now I ask myself, what is the week, what is the weekend, where am I going in any of this writing.  About Everything, but I don’t know what it’s about….  Maybe that’s the aim of the day, definition of what the “About” is.  What do you write about?…..  EVERYTHING.  But what does that mean?  What’s the denotative, connotative of that composition?