Still up and writing and waiting for this “storm”

the weather goons predicted to land. You know how that goes. Heater comes on, last sip of coffee. Should make some more. Should finish this work for client and just send it over and be done with it. Shouldn’t say it like that, but I’m getting quite fed with my procrastination. Not as bad as I used to be but the inclination is still there to just put it off for another day… ehhhhh, just one more day. No more. Not in ’17.

Excited for the semester to start. Shit, just remembered I have to input the grades for last semester. I’ll do that tonight. Thought they were due on the 8th but it doesn’t matter. I want them done and OFF the plate.

8:02… should make my coffee and jump back into client writing. Agreed, a voice internally says while I look up to see no rain falling on the Autumn Walk asphalt. Quiet in the house, something I’m not used to of late… If only I had the whole day to write. A question I keep posing to Self as fantasy but it’s not at all something fairytale-like or something you read about, or it doesn’t have to be—speaking mostly to other parents this new year with stratospheric aspirations and aims that have high altitude. “Learn to fly!” I just wrote in the Composition Book next to me. If you want that to be your like then make it your life, right? Okay.. so the first step, write more. 3 pages a day becomes my religion. Anything on page, anything… writing to parents this morning as I am a parent with the rarer than rare quiet morning down here at the desk to myself, downstairs at this desk to myself, after in bed trying to go back to sleep, sniffling, thinking to myself “What the fuck am I doing? I could be writing… I could be taking steps toward that… my ‘that’… my Healdsburg office and my travels, coming home telling my babies all about what I saw and having some gift for them from New York, Paris, Florida, Texas.. wherever.” The thought went on and on but I can’t remember most of them by now after that first cup of Italian Roast but I know what the consistency was, the flavor of my under-the-surface musings and projections.

Still no rain. Huh… I wonder who dreams of being a weather person. A meteorologist studying climatology and the temperatures and functionalities of the planet I understand… but who wants to be the predictor? Who wants to be hated when the weather does not at all what you said it would? Just a thought this morning. I want the rain to arrive, and more fiercely than whoever said it would. Want to write to it. Want to see how people will react to it. I just want the rain today, that’s all. Feel like someone in an audience waiting for the show to start. Are they going on any time soon? Did they not show to this show? Do I get my money back?

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