journal 2/20/15

Not sure where that sentence was going but I’m back home, done with glass of Matanzas Creek Pinot, tired from first day, another TR, more wines, more memorization.. I’m tired.  And not in the mood to write, or talk, or argue, or anything.  I’m in the mood to be in a mood.  Thought about my writing sample for a PhD program, while at work, I won’t like, the etymology of certain words and the connotative and thematic consistencies I could use, play with attach to certain passages– but it’s hard to concentrate with this mood, to work all day, stress of a new location, the to be stressed here in home.  Not writing for the rest of the night.  Glad the 3page project is done, no way I’d hit that tonight, no way…

Hoping to wake early tomorrow morning like I would to get to campus for 1A, and then write, and read, and study, begin the grad school MS, and write around the singular words.  My friend Ashley, in Oregon for her Med School interview tomorrow.  Meant to write her tonight but I won’t have the chance as I’m too tired and there’s too much, far too much in my head.  Hearing the new people in this new tasting room talking about their upcoming trip to Australia, how much world they’ll see has me all the more frantic, and ready to launch my brand, my blog, my business, and leave the envelope of repeat.  Tomorrow morning, early to work and post to teaching blog and step how I want.  IT’s so close and I’ll never have to pattern my Self again, watch…

Now watching local news.  I always find it so boring, and I feel for these “journalists”.  This is their job, their beat, their assignment consistency.  If I were a perpetual and visible journalist, I’d hope to be international, reporting on wars like Dan Rather and Ted Koppel.  The Pinot now forms into something more bohemian and gentle, truly poetic– and speaking of, I need to find readings for myself and the students to attend!  Nearly forgot I announced that on Thursday.  Tomorrow, I’ll email the students in the morning, and post to blog soon after, see if I can generate a little more involvement and material from the matriculants.  Yes, it’s decided, I have to wake early tomorrow, for the writing and the lectures and the students.  I want to walk into the new TR with an attitude of accomplishment, with my inner-drive still very much over speed limits, still forming, still writing.  On lunch, I’ll go nextdoor to the Oakville Grocery, write on that patio.  I’m seeing the H Square as my new writing spot and my eternal creative growthspring.  Walking around today with my strawberry gelato I realized that this new zone, this stage for me, that square, is MINE, all mine, and that I’ll write the whole thing, all the tourists, those gentle crosswalks, the tasting rooms, the restaurants, that park (the actual square..).  This is what I’ve been awaiting and needing for long so.

Tomorrow morning’s writings will only be for the blog, and/or class Tuesday.  Was just on the Stanford site and read about a girl and I think her sister researching old mining towns in Alaska, and they landed a grant to so do!–  Just had an idea, shoot a documentary about my work and life and Art and thoughts on the Healdsburg square.. and maybe a bit in the tasting room.  Shoot, then write, keep a work log, like I did at the old winery, but this time really make it mine, show everything around me I’m in charge of my project and arrangement.

No longer in any kind of fantod, only fruition and fortune.