9-12-24

13:24….  Lunch.  Took self to Redwood Cafe.  I’m my own student today, writing my way through and out of a mood, or certain obstruction.  Self-doubt or low estimation of certain things and realities.  Being comparative, and I know I shouldn’t do that.  Looking at past years and collection of years and wondering why I did this, chose that, didn’t do this or let some pig talk me out of this…

I am my instructor…write yourself out of it.  Write about the Nurse, all the traveling we’ll do.  Actually, send her a note, NOW.  What the fuck is the wifi here?

The mood is still there, but I’m controlling it.  Channeling, I guess you could say.  Writing, taking time for me.  Have to be in Marin at like 15:30 for an event.  Who knows what that’ll produce.  And that’s where much of this mood and self-doubt are finely rooted.  WORK.

Have sold NO new accounts, only shit to existing business.  Which makes me feel inadequate, like there’s something wrong with me. Fuck it, I start to think, what if there is?  Then I adjust I guess, go for something I targeted years ago.

No edits, just fucking free writing.  Got the wifi, and some hydration, and more thoughts.  More Composition.  Furiously Happy like Jenny Lawson.  I am making fun of everything, and laughing and whatever I can think of.  Me, this restaurant, Cotati, work of course… family.  All of it.

Lunch comes and now I’m just picking.  When do I or should I leave for Marin.  Little after 15:00 I guess, or before I mean.

Nearly 14:00 now.  More relaxed, calm.  Using time to think, but then my thoughts bore me.  Move to photography and the pictures showing up in Facebook memories.