Woke in a bit of a mood and I don’t know why.  Ignoring it.

Talking and writing myself through it.  06:56

Giants game was amazing last night, even though they lost.

Kids with games, early ones, this morning.  Henry with his 09:00 appt, and the Nurse and I tasting at a friend’s winery and another birthday dinner for me later.

What do I have to be in a mood about?

Going upstairs to brush teeth, check on the Nurse, shed this irked film.

Collecting myself on this screen but I’m starting to think I shouldn’t be writing at all.  The day is going to sprint by your like a cheetah after espresso shots, more than I could ever handle… so snap the fuck out of it.

Should take an allergy pill.  There, there’s something to do.

Done.  And now the cause of this lull…. Think it’s me overthinking, of course, time and how quick it’s passing during these birthday events this week and weekend for me and how certain people come back to my thoughts and become stubborn squatters.

Focusing on me… YES, ME.  So what.  It’s about fucking time, honestly.  This new sales story and what I’m going to do with it. I am in a position of ultimate advantage and capitalization.

First of June….  New page stack.  Espresso, laptop, not counting phone so it’s just me and the coffee and the writing.  There, I feel better.

Watching one of my blogger friends yesterday talking about finding a ‘cause’ that you’re passionate about.  More and more, for me, it’s shaping to be happiness and mental health.

I know people with disabilities, that you can see, but they don’t.  They don’t focus on ‘what they have’.  They smile, are happy, enjoy their time with family and anyone. I need to mimic more of that.  That is what I need to emulate…. Writing this journey of healing, and more so knowledge and understanding of who I am and what I’m here to do.

That’s also a cause of the stress and self-doubt.  Talked to JO about that a while back, at our last appointment and the one before that.  He said don’t compare, and a job is only a job.  The career is not you nor does it finalize or even suggest any notion of worth.

There, out of it.  From and because of this entry.  Toast to the vineyard pic to my left, with this espresso.  ME – I’m the topic.  Where my focus is.

Getting to know this writer more, after all the shit I’ve been put through the past three bloody years.  But there I go again getting upset.

STOP.

That is OVER.  You have YOU.