All back together again. Was in bed at 8:36pm. No wine.

The earliest I’ve been to bed in possibly two years.  List to targets for day scribbled.  Already a double espresso shot not a latte.

Feel like the day doesn’t have a chance against me.  Heater comes on, not wanting music just the quiet of the house.  Time to work, write.

Reviewing email for wine competition tomorrow.  Still in a bit of shock that I was invited.  Not sure what to expect, or if I have any expectations.  Need to write about wine more.  What I’m tasting, nothing formal, just a story around what I’m tasting or drinking, sipping, whatever word to place to page.  No wine last night, night before was a Westwood Pinot, think the 667.  Should’t have had any wine that night, I know, but…..  I didn’t feel anything after the shot or even that night so I thought I was fine and maybe all the reactions and effects people mentioned would pass me.

Then I woke up with chills and fever and weird dreams so I knew I was wrong, miscalculated.

Either way, here today.  To work.  To create.  Feel human again, normal.  Or something resembling normal, if I can.  7:46am, drafting OOO email.  Never taken a vacation day like this.  Or ever, now that I think about it.  Paternity leave doesn’t count.  Wasn’t like this, to judge a wine competition.

OH… have to get dry cleaning today.  Will wear one of those outfits tomorrow.  What wine am I drinking tonight?  Should start practicing… “practicing”, for what?  It’s wine… no, it’s writing.

Emails coming in..  No fluster, just priority.  What I have to do and what the AE story is doing for me.  So much, I know.. but what’s the end-aim.  The “bullseye”.  Think I finally know.  Not writing here to avoid self-hexing.

Sent another email.. staying ahead of everything.  Trying.  8:15 now, wondering what next. Have some money stuff to handle, then dry cleaning I can’t forget…. Budget done.  I have money, certainly more than I have in past, but I begin to resent it.  Always budgeting, saving, then spending, then forecasting, moving….  Money and I aren’t the same.  Does not define or narrate me nor who I am.

Crow outside calling to something.  I need be in the wild, in the outside, walking Annadel like Dad and I used to.  Benefit to being in the field, you have no choice but to be outside.  Though, I need today in.  Rest….  Still a little fatigued, but not tremendously.  Slammed the rest of latte.  Should help for a bit.

Emails continue to come in.  Could be sending out a contract today, and getting ink as well.  Waiting on approval on something with of course I don’t exactly love.

Then, just a dumbing quiet. Nothing happening.  Make something happen then, I tell myself.  Like what.

Get dressed.  Just did.  Even combed hair.  Diving back into AE story.  Had an idea.. as many time with such, not writing here.  Truth… the truest me I can on page breed, bleed.