Odd revolve about today. Feel like everything’s a repeat. Like everything I’ve done before. More than likely just a covid-era and quarantine symptom. So… breaking it up a bit by not working, and just writing freely here, while the house is quiet, kids away at dentist appointment.
Trying to stay in work mode as much as I can. Had appointment earlier this morning with Sales Engineer and a prospect, made more calls than I usually do it feels like, and sending emails. Again, feel like I’ve done all that before, dozens if not hundred of times over the past near-year.
Wrote a poem on phone, then I write another in journal. Clean work area… again, all this shit I’ve done before. Friend dropped off a Pinot Gris from his winery, Portlandia. Nice guy, connected over social a while back and recently a discussion spouted after I posted my thoughts on his Pinot Noir.
Then I think….. what is the vaccine against regularity, repetition, the sameness in one day then next. Think harder… more thoroughly. What do I have, only thoughts that I’ve had. Think I need a second to think about this. Thinking…. Yeah, what does that do.
Take more shit off desk. Sure others feel the way I do right now, the Groundhog Day thing somewhat, they’re probably just better at hiding it. Concealing it like a weapon, or illness. Not cutting self down, I don’t think, just trying to be more honest in these entries.
Wrote a poem, no title, about this. This repeat. Music now too slow, too eased. Need something else, like a wild and quick and seemingly thesis-less Coltrane track. One of his jam sessions. Anything…. Fuck I hate this.
This is when I wish I were a boozer. I’d open that Pinot Gris and sip straight from neck. No, though. Hold with this coffee.
Go shave, step away from he little table you work at. Take the journal with you. And phone. Music. That will solve everything. More music. Wine and music…. Poetry, the desk, the house, even if seemingly dull.