Didn’t really learn anything from yesterday’s sippers. This morning I’m moving slow, from standing behind that table for as long as I was, and saying the same thing about the cuvee, for which I accept fault. Found myself struggling with the words, MY words, what to say about the wine. One couple and their daughter knowing my sister, longtime members of St. Francis Winery, excited to meet me and asking me how long I’d been associated with St. Francis. Can’t remember where else the conversation went, but we were centered in wine, and how they have as longtime St. Francis members a plaque in the vineyard blocks, one of them… the Syrah patch. After they left all I could think about was getting out of the cave, walking around, smelling the air above and around the Cabernet block just outside the cave door.
Want to re-read Coelho’s Alchemist. Write something on it. Why, I don’t know. Want to be a student again. Of literature, or writing, reading, all of it. How to be a student again…. Notes. Notes on everything. Studying everything, seeing literary value in business, in the characters at Sonic and Sonic’s individual voice. Then I lose myself in thoughts of Personal Legend, more than Alchemist work and thought, but me and however many days of life I have left. What I want people to see and know about me. Legend seems a but hyperbolic and exaggerative, and it might be to an extent. But, where my thinking is. I need to get away from wine’s industry, submerge and immerse self utterly in story. Stories…. They’ll lead me to my office, I know, I’ve read that before in walks and talks among characters on the property. That book and some of its passages to me speak this morning, on travel, on sovereign thought, on speaking to students at campuses all over the county. More than a believe in self but a constant examination of character composition and the how-to-why it develops as it does. Why did I not write last night, why did I relax rather than sitting here at this counter and typing as I now am to coffee?
What am I after, I start to think. Convinced I know then I see another scene…. Me in my marketing shop’s office talking to someone I work with about a new direction for some campaign or assignment we were hired to do. For a winery. I call upon all memories and experiences in the tasting room, share a slew of them, and one connects. Not a marketing firm, or shop, but a creative kitchen, corner, or loft. If I can market myself then how could I EVER others, I remember noting to self sans paper or even phone while closing the cave just after 5pm last night after the last guests departed property. My Personal Legend, or ‘Self Story’, entails consistency of motion and exploration, and knowing when certain associations need be liquidated. I’m after what I see, and what I see is a return and permanent residency in student symmetry, presence and tangibility.